My older sister is growing tired of me...I hate staying with people I always feel like I'm imposing. i've decided that this is definitely the last time that I stay with any of my family members over summer. It's always nice for the first few days, they enjoy my presence and we get along quite well, but then I just becoming annoying, my novelty having worn off, and then end up saying something that, while it may seem perfectly harmless and benign to others, is really quite mean and cutting.
Sometimes I can't stand my family, they're such hypocrites, and they wonder why my older brother Mardye basically severed ties with all of us when he got together with his wife and had his daughter, sadly i completely understand why he would prefer to live so far away from us, he's too laid back for all their shit.
Gah! I go through these times when I feel like I can trust them and everything and then they do something that makes me feel totally isolated from them and like I can't possibly connect with any part of them.
I feel like I'm lying all the time, and like doing that is also pushing people away from me (which is true), but i don't feel like I can trust anyone. My whole environment feels totally unstable right now and I hate it.
I feel like such a mess and I don't have anyone that I can talk to about it.
I think that my best friend tried to take advantage of me the other night, my closeted position that is, she has these horribly unrealistic expectations of me and doesn't seem to fully believe that I'm gay. She's says that she sees me married to a guy and with children in the future and she refuses to believe the validity of my disinclination toward heterosexual sex. I hate not being able to discuss things properly with one of the few people that I am out out to.
This has just been a shit day....