I'm being pushed away, there is a moron living in my house, and money is tight.

Anonymous's picture

My Mom is really depressed, and I don't know why. Which bugs me. I'm worried about her. She's also very irritable and snappy. I asked her earlier if she was okay and she got all mad at me. Her mood leaves me all alone because I have no one else I can talk to right now. She says I can talk to her. But. My older sister's friend (who is a guy) has been sleeping at our house, and in the same bed as my sister, for over 2 weeks now. First of all, he doesn't like gay people and occassionally says some things that I don't appreciate. Second, they are sleeping on the futon in the family room. This is where the TV is and the only place I can play DDR. DDR is my means of exercising and when they sleep in there ALL day every day, I have no way of playing DDR (I refuse to play in front of anyone). Third, his being in our house constantly makes me very uncomfortable because it has been only females living in our house for over 5 years now. And fourth, he is eating using my Mom's money. We barely have enough money to feed my little sister and I, but now he has to come along and mooch off of my mother as well. He has his own place. He has his own car. He has friends. He needs to get the (excuse my language) fuck out of our house. He seems to think that he lives here, and has become comfortable enough to be rude to me a few times. Now, my older sister is supportive of my sexuality. She even told him "we don't use that word in this house" when said "fag" once. Yet when I'm right next to her and she's talking to him, she will say that something is "gay." She knows that it's offensive to me. I'm losing my mind, and I don't know what to do because I can't talk to my Mom about this. Whenever I say anything about it, even if I don't want to start a conversation about it, my Mom will get all pissed off at me and say, "I don't want to talk about this right now." When we decided that it was time I got off of my meds, she said she would be there for me if I needed to talk. I REALLY need to talk about this, it's really bugging me, but she refuses to talk to me about it. She won't really let me talk to her about anything. She just gets mad and assumes that I'm going to start yelling about it. When I just want to have a calm conversation with her. I have no one else to go to, and it feels like she's pushing me away. I don't know what to do. I've expressed this concern to her, and she just says, "I always talk when you need to." BULLSHIT. I cannot STAND being angry with her, either! HELP!! My Mom has talked to my sister several times about her friend sleeping here all the time, but she will not listen. I feel the incredible urge to slap her very VERY hard across the face. It's a disgusting urge to have..she's my SISTER. I'm also worried about her. She comes home drunk a lot, and her friend as well, which scares the fuck out of me because drunk driving is so dangerous. I talked to her friend about it one night, and he said, "Nah, it's okay. As soon as I get behind the wheel I'm sober." I said, "Well you're going to get into a car crash." His reply? "Not with your sister in the car." What the fuck does he mean NOT WITH MY SISTER IN THE CAR. EXCUSE ME!!!!!!! When you're drunk, YOU ARE DRUNK. YOU DO NOT DRIVE WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. YOU DO NOT DRIVE WITH MY SISTER IN THE CAR WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. NOT MATTER HOW SOBER YOU THINK YOU ARE. He is such a fucking MORON. He is so fucking FULL of himself. How DARE HE think he is sober enough to drive with my sister in the car. If he really truly gave a shit about her life, he would not drive at all after drinking. That's not all that's worrying me, either. My Mom said that when I get older I have to be careful because alcoholism is on my Dad's side of the family. And my sister goes out drinking all night. I'm scared to death that she's going to end up an alcoholic. I do not want to see her like that. I don't want her to depend on alcohol. It makes me sick to my stomach seeing her drunk. She's 21 years old. Why is she so IRRESPONSIBLE?! I'm falling to pieces because there's not a god damn thing I can do about any of this.

I don't know what to do anymore. I was expecting some pressure to be lifted from my shoulders when school got out. Now the summer is halfway over and the pressure just keeps getting worse. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when school starts again. I feel like I need to cry, but no tears will come out and I'm sick of crying anyways. I've spent most of my life crying. I just want this all to end! I want to be able to live a normal, happy life. Which includes having enough money to own more than three pairs of pants. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!


HotPinkFlames's picture


omg i am so sorry hun i almost cried just reading that. i have been through tough shit like that before...like a winter in an uninsulated trailer with 7 ppl and 4 dogs...but it will get better, stay strong!

"any day now i expect my chocolate frog to be replaced by caramel private parts or a stawberry flavored lesbian!"---the black adder

xx_dice's picture

in order to get him out of yo

in order to get him out of your house you must show he is not welcome. You must be firm behind what you say, and you must be blunt and repetitive with your feelings. I know your sister will forgive you for feeling so hateful towards her lover. Make sure she knows that YOU are her FAMILY. and FAMILY is more important than any boy. When she says he has no where to go remind her that she has abused your mom's generosity for long enough. Be firm, but dont yell. Tell her he is welcome no longer. He will go, and he will go now.

America...home of the free.

jeff's picture

First of all...

Paragraph returns make reading SO much more delightful.

Beyond that, you keep flipping back and forth between two constants:

Reality: Your mom doesn't listen, your sister drinks, her bf is an idiot.

Fantasy: You mom should listen, your sister shouldn't drink, her bf shouldn't drive drunk.

Now, the problem is... only one of these things really exists, reality. You are driving yourself crazy because you can't make your fantasy world reality. The sad part is, you never will.

Can people change? Of course. But only when they want to.

There is an excellent book by Byron Katie called "Loving What Is," where she basically shows a methodology for reducing the stress in your life, called The Work (http://www.thework.com/

In the book (and on the website), Katie shows the importance of living in reality and dealing with what is really happening, rather than struggling to make reality bend toward your desires. Once you do that, you are in a much better place to affect change in your life, because you are approaching your surroundings from a much healthier place, which is that you will be approaching a mother who doesn't listen, a sister who drinks, and her idiot boyfriend as they are, and approaching them honestly, and creating a space where they will question their behavior on their own.

Approaching someone with a vested interest in how they should be doesn't give them the space to find their own way out of where life has led them, which is the only way people change.