I'm Too Tired to Come Out Today (a minor familial dilemna)

Daisy's picture

So despite the fact that I'm out to my entire city, I am not out to even one member of my extended family. And the big annual visit is coming up.

The reasons I haven't told them are many and varied, but the big one is that we just don't talk about these sorts of things. I'm not worried about being disowned or anything (there are other gay people in my family... plus I only see them once a year), but I don't want to tell them. It would be unpleasant and would be making a big deal out of something that shouldn't be. Plus, coming out to them would immply that we're all close and lovey, and we're not. We may pretend to be, but we're not. So basically, it's not that I can't come out to them, but that, for the most part, they're such a minor part of my life that I'd prefer not to even put in the effort. Also, I'm fairly certain that some of them have their suspicions, and for the gay and once-gay ones, the rainbow bracelet will probably be a give-away. But I'd really rather not discuss it.

I do plan on telling one of my cousins, because we actually are pretty close, and she's been updated on my lovelife in all previous years, so it's entirely appropriate.

Anyway, my problem is this. I don't think it's even a possibility that I'll get through the trip without somebody asking if I have a boyfriend. Do I just say "No" and not explain? Do I ignore the question? How is one supposed to handle this? I don't want to lie, but I don't want to get into it, either.

In my family, there are very few people I could say anything to without it getting around. It's not so much that I mind them knowing, especially a few specific individuals, it's just... Eww. Who has the time?

Alright. Does anybody have any advice?? :)


Cheshire's picture

"No boyfriend and that's all you need to know."

Just say "No, no boyfriend" and if they ask you more questions lie as much as you need to to avoid starting a coming-out discussion. I have found that there is no problem with a little good honest look-'em-in-the-face lying so long as you don't use it in a way that will hurt anyone. (Don't conceal important truths, just unnecessary ones.)

Good luck!


Paladin's picture

I don't intend to come out to

I don't intend to come out to most of my extended family either. Definitely not any member of the last generation, except my parents (who already know). I will probably tell my cousins a few years from now, casually mentioning some relationship or past relationship. I'm not that close to some of my cousins either, but I see them more as my peers, and I shouldn't have anything to hide from them.

When asked, say "Why would you think I'd want a boyfriend?"


sistinesylph's picture

This is kind of childish, I suppose, but since I'm

the jokester of the lot, when asked if I have a boyfriend, I usually reply, "Oh yeah, eighty five!" and flash a huge smile. Never had a bad reaction thus far, and it's implied the answer is no.

"Man it takes a silly girl
to lie about the dreams she has.
But lord, it takes a lonely one to wish
that she had never dreamt at all."