My Girlfriend came down for the 4th to look for job in the area. She's still so confused about what to do. Her parents are really mad at her for not having a real job. Some how now money is super important to them. It didn't seem that way when her mother bought us a 90 dollar dinner when I was up there...but then again she was trying to impress me. Sarah's looking for a job down here with me and she can't stand how disappointed her parents and her friends will be that she left for the summer. I told her that i didn't know if her being down here would be for the best. I mean guilt tends to eat her alive. I want her down here I really really do. I miss her sooooo very badly when she's away and when she's here I feel like I can breathe. Like I've been holding my breath and I never realised it. I want her here but I want her to be here at her best...or as close to it as she's been the past couple of years.
I'm also really tired of not being able to balance "us" and my family. I just don't know how to handle it. I see how uncomfortable they are so my instnct is to "protect" them from us but I love Sarah so much and I want her to be apart of every peice of my life including my family. Why can't my family be like Sarah's? Her parents are so cool about her sexuality. I want my parents to be accepting of my girlfriend and me. I want them to offer to take us out to dinner, to remark on how cute we are when we cuddle. I'm rushing things I know. Sarah's parents have know about her for four years, mine just under 6 months. Still I know how badly I'm handling my parents adn I see how it affects Sarah. I wish I could just leave Roanoke and go live with her in MA. I love her town and the freedom. I love being able to hold hands with her on the street. I love that there are always places to go and things to see. I love that I can feel like myself...like a whole self. Not just me and then my wayward sexuality.
There's always so much going on around us it sometimes hard to remember how good we are together. I get so tired sometimes.