A question posed to me by a friend. . .

Patch's picture

Okay, a friend of mine (who is another gay male, and NO we are not dating), asked me if it was wrong for him to think that his male cousin (a first cousin, no less) is very hot. I asked, "Are you really attracted to him?" and he said yes. Well, I was kinda torn. Our society says "EWWW, no, wrong!!" but that view was created to prevent inbreeding, a shown cause of down syndrome. But, if the couple is gay, and could not procreate between themselves (i.e. make babies, which is different from just havin sex. . .), then is there still a problem?

Anyways, I told my friend I would think about it, and because I am still stuck, I thought I woould ask you all.

What do you think?

Daelus's picture


I, personally, have no problem with it. As
long as the couple doesn't reproduce,
there isn't really a problem, as far as I can see.
It's just that society tells us to think that
it's disgusting and wrong.

It's not even that rare, though. My best
friend is attracted to his cousin, too.

The only problem would be that if they were
in a relationship, it would be difficult to get
people to accept that.

"If nothing we do matters, then all that
matters is what we do."

Paladin's picture

There is nothing wrong with i

There is nothing wrong with it, in this case. Usually there are psychological mechanisms that make us repress sexual desire for family members, and anyone who's been around you since you were very young. This is called the Westermark effect.


armadillo's picture

I think it is definitely wrong!

You just don't sleep with you brother or sister, even if you can't procreate...there's just limits and it's completely gross. Your friend needs to find someone outside the family tree. There's billions of people on this earth and the number increases exponentially...can't he just find an attractive man elsewhere?

Paladin's picture

The only issue with brothers

The only issue with brothers and sisters, IMO, is that one sibling is that one is usually more powerful than the other and so if any relationship develops, there's the issue of consent. Of course if both siblings are grown up, then this is presumably irrelevant. Siblings who have been separated from a very early age and who reunite later in life often find the other to be particularly attractive.

If the reason you reject it is because it disgusts you, then surely others can reject homosexuality on the same grounds.


Patch's picture

ummm, yo, it's his FIRST COUS

ummm, yo, it's his FIRST COUSIN, NOT HIS BROTHER.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

rowie's picture

i dont know about the us but

i dont know about the us but in the uk its legal for heterosexual first cousins to marry. the problems would be with how his family would react, and also how his cousin felt about it. if they both really want to be together, then why should anyone elses views stop them.

--would the last one out please shut the door--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

Sam-McCowan's picture

love and cousins

In my opinion its a little strange, but if he really has feelings for this guy tell him to go for it, and if it doesn't work out, they can always remain cousins.


Make. Poverty. History.

Daisy's picture


There is no question in my mind that it is not wrong for your friend, or anybody else, to be attracted to a member of their family. Nobody can control their attractions. The question, then, is is it okay to act on such an attraction. I know that in my family such a relationship, gay or straight, would be a HUGE shock, and people probably wouldn't be very happy about it.

Did they love you or what?

Jazzer's picture

Not for me

The way I see it, family is off-limits as far as the dating pool is concerned, no matter how hot he/she is.

I will have to respectfully disagree with Dave, however. Thinking it's disgusting because you date a group of people (i.e. same-sex attraction) and thinking it's disgusting because you date your cousin are two entirely different things.


Some people's kids...I tell ya!

Traveling Poet's picture

To put everything in perspect

To put everything in perspective, in the past, especially among nobility, it was often acceptable to marry a first cousin, and at times such marriages were even arranged to keep money in the family. Obviously societies view on such things has changed over time, but it seems to be safely established the world will not end if two cousins fall in love. In our society today there are taboo’s against it, but honestly, such a couple could probably have a perfectly healthy loving relationship.

hippiedyke87's picture

I've never truly thought abou

I've never truly thought about it and I think I alway imagined I would be repulsed but I'm not. I think whatever floats your boat, I don't see too much damage coming from it, since they can't reproduce. My one question is does the cousin feel the same way? It might be null and void if he isn't into it. Whatever, life goes on in an ever foward pattern. Peace.

"If you think you know what I'm doing wrong well you're gonna have to get in line..." - Ani DiFranco

Patch's picture

hum, I asked him the same que

hum, I asked him the same question, and he said he wasn't sure. He claims he was getting mixed signals, but I think he is being too much of a romantic in his views as to what are good signals.

Meh. He may or he may not.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

Y - GuRl's picture

sorta same situation

Well.. first cousins a little weird.. but that's because it makes me think of me and my cousins. But I had a crush on my cousin.. well I don't think we were even cousins, just distantly related somehow (not sure how related exactly). I had never met her in my life until I went overseas and she was gorgeous AND very flirty too.. nothing happened of course, but she was an amazing girl.

[This world's an ugly place.. but you're so beautiful to me]

princessgavvie's picture


This probably doesn't count, but when I was like four, I used to want to marry my cousin, he was just so nice to me.

never kick a dog, because it's just a pup, we'll fight like twenty armies, and we won't give up, so you'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!~ Les Mis

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Just me, but...

I personally don't think there is anything at all wrong with feeling attracted to a cousin. Society does say "EWWW, no, wrong!!" to sexual relationships between cousins, but parts of society say the same thing to any gblt relationships whatsoever. Screw society. It is true, though, that there are some genetic problems that are more likely to occur through inbreeding, so that is not to be ignored, but like you said, if the couple is gay, even that should not be a problem. Anyway, I don't think there's really anything wrong with having feelings for a cousin, any less than there is with having feelings for someone of your own gender.

elraye's picture

Society Norms

Being physically attracted to someone is not the same as living in a committed relationship. All the issues discussed here are valid from one perspective or another. Personally it seems to me that when two people join in a committed relationship they not only share a personal relationship but, hopefully, they share this relationship with family as well. In this society, at this time, it might be difficult for relatives to embrace a committed relationship between two folks who are so close on the family tree.


micky's picture

i think i disagree with people just for the sake of disagreeing

i think that there has to be limits on what is acceptable. if you justify dating your cousin by saying that it's just societies peoccupations that say it's wrong, then couldn't you also justify beastiality in the same way? peadophilia?
this is where it gets complicated, and my argument falls apart, because it works the same for homosexuality.
argh!! *head explodes*


Paladin's picture


Bestiality and paedophilia cannot ever be consensual relationships as long as only humans who've reached the age of the majority are assumed to be capable of giving consent. Hence if they can be grouped anywhere, it might be with rape. Homosexuality can be limited to among consenting adults.


micky's picture

good point, but eww.... cousi

good point, but eww.... cousins.


flushd's picture



I personally feel there is nothing wrong with being attracted to a cousin, though it is a complicated situation in how to act on in.
For myself, I would not go there because it would be 'too weird'.

I think the thing for your friend to consider would be more the emotional impact of acting on his feelings. Cousins tend to have an established emotional connection to begin with: which is rooted in a feeling of family and farmiliarity. Maybe if your friend acted on his attraction, that relationship could change for the worse.

I feel it would be a large emotional risk.

help_me_god's picture

Well I am also torn. but still here to post my thoughts....

I am torn. But I do have a little different opinion…. Maby it will make a difference.. Maby not….hope it will though. If it were me I would be descusted to do anything with my cousins, Any of them… I just think even if I did think my cousins were cute… and believe me… some of them are. It would feel morally wrong if we ever became more than just that… cousins. And by the way I am adopted so im not acutally related to any of them. I think its just a line not to cross. Maby for your friend it is just like the forbidden fruit. Just because he cant have it, he just wants it all the more, and I can totally relate to that. But, he still might need closure if the crush is really strong. Id take him out somewhere. Maby he can find somebody else and try and forget about it. But then again it is his descision and I guess to each their own. If this is what he wants then all you can do is support him in his descision. that’s all I would want if you were my friend.

Hope this helped….

Sirens call's picture

I think it's okay...I think...er....

In Australia it is legal for heterosexual first cousins to marry (like Rowie said for the UK) and you can also marry your uncle/aunt. I can't really say if I disagree with the cousin thing ( I think uncle is going too far!) I mean, I could easily say 'ewww, gross she's my cousin' but you know, some people never even meet their relatives until they're adults. Then, really you're just two people that have never met before, and could easily be attracted to them. It might change if you discover they're your cousin, but you probably have no control over it anyway.

I think, if the most beautiful person I'd ever met (physically and personality-wise) was my cousin, and I happened to fall in love with them, and they felt the same way...then I'd say 'screw society', and be with them anyway. I mean, so many people think homosexual relationships are gross (and I think you can compare the two situations) but we're gay/bi anyway because we can't help it...you can't control who you are attracted to...you have no say regarding their sex or their relation to you.


Cleopatra's picture

okay..let's see...

i think that it's ok if your friend has a CRUSH ONLY on his cousin or he only admires his cousin...and it's a differen thing if he would like to have a relationship or something like that with his cousin...i guess your friend just needs to know what his limitations are, and it will be okay... :D