a waste of time...

miss-deceptacon's picture

I feel like crap right now. I know she doesn't love me. Never has, probably never will. Yet why do I still have the urge to persue her? Why do I still feel like there's a chance? I know December was a waste of my time. Why should this time be any different? I really hope she doesn't ask me out again because I'm not sure if I have the strength to tell her no. Because that's what I should do, right?

Is love really all too much to ask for? Apparently so.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a fucking queer. Sometimes I wish I could have a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I could be OK with just "liking" someone. Sometimes I wish I could be like my friends and go out and get de-virginized and get drunk and not think of it as a big deal. I really do. It's like some big secret that I'm missing out on.

AAAAAAAAH!

Of course none of you know who the heck I'm talking about but I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.

Comments

neverbeenwhotheythought's picture

yep. the grass is always gree

yep. the grass is always greener.............................
some days bein' straight looks ok, but would you trade being yourself for being accepted as someone you aren't?

armadillo's picture

everyone has these feelings sometimes.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Nothing is wrong with being a virgin, it's actually quite desirable to those looking for a mate. Anyway, your friends act like whores cause they think they're learning some secret, then they glam it up to sound like they really know what love is. Truth is, they got drunk and lost a piece of themselves to someone who probably won't matter to them down the line and vice verse. Don't be envious of this. Value the fact that you're different. That one day, you won't feel like shit....and when you're living that day, remember how you felt when you posted this.

miss-deceptacon's picture

:)

Blah...I know it's not a good thing but my mind does wander to what that might be like. That was just one of those nights of over thinking.

"I'm so sorry if I'm alienating some of you. Your fucking culture alienates me."
{bikini kill} "white boy"