I feel like crap right now. I know she doesn't love me. Never has, probably never will. Yet why do I still have the urge to persue her? Why do I still feel like there's a chance? I know December was a waste of my time. Why should this time be any different? I really hope she doesn't ask me out again because I'm not sure if I have the strength to tell her no. Because that's what I should do, right?
Is love really all too much to ask for? Apparently so.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a fucking queer. Sometimes I wish I could have a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I could be OK with just "liking" someone. Sometimes I wish I could be like my friends and go out and get de-virginized and get drunk and not think of it as a big deal. I really do. It's like some big secret that I'm missing out on.
Of course none of you know who the heck I'm talking about but I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.