I am not okay, I am not smiling, I barely laugh anymore, I'm not as happy as I once was. I never in my life seriously entertained the thoughts of killing myself and wanting to cut again and wanting to run away. I just want to go to a place where people can accept who I am and not try and change me all the damn day long. I guess I am happy at thimes thoughh. And that is when I am alone or with my real friends. I hope I make more of those at school, since I have to leave my other ones. -Damn the parents-
I truely can't wait for college to start again. I only have roughly 1 and1/2 days left here at this house with my sister and my parents. They are so fucking pissing me off to the highest extent. I don't like who they have made me become. I guess one could say I feel bitterness towards them and a twinge of hate (even tho I don't really know if that word fits). I barely talk to my mom anymore. I don't know what the hell she expects me to talk to her about. My dad, me and him kinda talk but he usually talks more and I stare into space or think about something else. Me and my older sister... I dunno, cuz I pissed her off by hanging up on her, but she will get over it. My twin... we talk about useless shit, which is fine by me. I still love them but they just don't get it. I hope that one day they will see that I don't do things for anybody else but me. I am my own person and I apparently live by my own rules. I think that they hate that the most b/c they are all christians and believe that I should be living like a christian. But why the hell would I do that if I don't believe the same stuff that they do. And they think they are 'helping me' but will probably never realize that they are the ones causing me grief, pain, and everything else!