Fairylover2008's picture

Hum I quit my job the other night and know I am
working at a Shoney's. Not really sure if it is
better or worse that Ryan's but we will soon find
out better yet I work with a lot of people who know
that I am questioning and don't give a fuck. I am
glad for a little while everyone here is a little
open and that makes me happy. I am not going to
have to be someone I am not. Thats what I like
So the other day we where cleaning out my storage
area and I came across a box that was unlable and
didn't have a date or anything so I put it in my
car. I didn't know if it was mine or E's. We where
sharing a storage space but I just got one on my
own sharing it with my guys. I was moving my stuff
to it and I was going throught the boxs and E
said anything that was unlable put it in my car and
stuff I was sure was mine put it in Danny's truck
So we got the boxes out and found he had most of them
well I took the boxes home and went thought them
and found a lot of them where mine but this box
was the one that held the most tears the most pain
and the most memorys. This box held pictures, poems,
paper journals and keep sakes. Pictures of my
life in Arizona with Britney (my first girlfriend)
poems of pain, confusion, tears, fears and everything
inbetween. Like this poem

I sat in the backyard saying goodbye to the
world Then went in took a drink of my wonderful
happy tea and went to bed to die
Then you walked in rushed me to get better
wouldn't let me die like I wanted you protected
and sheltered me but turned lose in the world
I couldn't take it
Then its a couple years later and I relize
that night I killed a part of me Miss Prefect
always happy fake and artifice and I miss her part
of me is missing and I can't get her back
My life is the same empty alone and dark place
it was I lie on the floor again wanting to die Razors
a knife, tea, and a pen with the words dripping
off the end and will you let me go tonight with
my scars and forget you knew me

See these poems say what I wanted to say at the time
when I was cutting and when I thought that was a
realese from the stress of the world. When I
wanted to die when I didn't want to live in this
world anymore and know I relize that even
thought my parents forced me to be prefect and I
killed that part of myself two months before I
started this journal here I am happy to be alive
with out her because I can't be prefect anymore