Getting comfortable with all those other girls and tiptoeing around my blaring sexuality

the mouse that roared's picture

So last night I spent the night at a girlfriend's house--we'll call her Veronica. She knows I'm attracted to girls, has known for over a year, but didn't know I liked girls better than guys till a month or so ago. She's straight. I have this weird dynamic between her and me. I've been holding myself in--not letting myself touch her at all, making sure I change clothes in another room, or if that isn't an option, making sure I don't look at her. Generally, she's the only one that talks about my sexuality.

I'm not doing this because I have a crush on her or anything--it's becuause I don't have a crush on her and I'm afraid she might think I do or something along those lines. I've been feeling very uncomfortable and awkward and closed in, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure if she's even noticed, but it's been hard for me.

On another note, a random girl asked me to dance for the first time when I went contra dancing a couple nights ago. I was so excited that that I flirted a bit and acted rather silly. Later, a (straight) girlfriend I went with said "I'm not going to lie. My best dance partner was a woman." I realized that the girl could easily have been straight and just asked me--this probably happens pretty frequently in the folk world, though I'm not too experienced with the girl/girl aspect of it. Anyway, I felt a bit dumb. But it was a fun dance anyway. :)

That pretty much wraps up my sexuality issues for the moment. I'm off to decide what school to go to next year...

Comments

Paladin's picture

Girls dance together all the

Girls dance together all the time, without anyone staring (at least not for those reasons). A girl friend of mine said that she prefers to dance with girls, even though she considers herself straight (although, the things she's said make me consider her "questioning").

Dave