breakthroughs/ revelations are hard to come by.
spent a year and a half waiting for one... for all i know it probably came and went without my even noticing it, god forbid,for all i know it probably didnt happen at all.
was feeling insecure about my significant other going away for a long vacation- feeling paranoid because given the same situation i'd probably have given her reason to be paranoid... but what the heck- i dont care anymore, whatever happens i just dont want to hear it- maybe this is my breakthrough... no this is just pitiful.
cheating cheating cheating... this issue will just give me a headache.
i hate my mother, but i smile and laugh with her like i love her- i'm sure i do love her ( only by some natural compulsion beyond my grasp/comprehension/control)
i stopped drinking. i had so many opportunities to just give up and pick a glass, but i saw that the falsley crystal clear-water like liquid would only be to my detriment at this point in my life.
heard this song by Trey songz- called " i just gotta make it"- about a dude who really wants to get out of poverty ( the ghetto) and give himself and his girl a better life etc...
and i want that- i know that I just Gotta Make it- i need to get this paper, i need to get serious and realise that the primary victim of all my actions is ME.
drinking like i used to ( ie a drink everyweek, and on the holidays, every 2nd day) waas not right, i was going nowhere fast. and i felt it when i was on holiday, i actually had to stop myself from thinking about alcohol- it was such a battle, i could feel my fingers tingling, a change in the beat of my heart, a pain my my eyes, just because i needed a drink and i had enough sodas/coffee/tea/herbal tea/ water/ juice/cegarettes... everything...
i was getting addicted to alcohol...
i stopped eating a lot- now i get sooooooooooooooooooo hungry.
hmmm weight issues.
i'll save that for another episode of "i need to get serious"