going nowhere fast

Tjedza's picture

breakthroughs/ revelations are hard to come by.
spent a year and a half waiting for one... for all i know it probably came and went without my even noticing it, god forbid,for all i know it probably didnt happen at all.

was feeling insecure about my significant other going away for a long vacation- feeling paranoid because given the same situation i'd probably have given her reason to be paranoid... but what the heck- i dont care anymore, whatever happens i just dont want to hear it- maybe this is my breakthrough... no this is just pitiful.

cheating cheating cheating... this issue will just give me a headache.

i hate my mother, but i smile and laugh with her like i love her- i'm sure i do love her ( only by some natural compulsion beyond my grasp/comprehension/control)

i stopped drinking. i had so many opportunities to just give up and pick a glass, but i saw that the falsley crystal clear-water like liquid would only be to my detriment at this point in my life.

heard this song by Trey songz- called " i just gotta make it"- about a dude who really wants to get out of poverty ( the ghetto) and give himself and his girl a better life etc...
and i want that- i know that I just Gotta Make it- i need to get this paper, i need to get serious and realise that the primary victim of all my actions is ME.
drinking like i used to ( ie a drink everyweek, and on the holidays, every 2nd day) waas not right, i was going nowhere fast. and i felt it when i was on holiday, i actually had to stop myself from thinking about alcohol- it was such a battle, i could feel my fingers tingling, a change in the beat of my heart, a pain my my eyes, just because i needed a drink and i had enough sodas/coffee/tea/herbal tea/ water/ juice/cegarettes... everything...

i was getting addicted to alcohol...
i stopped eating a lot- now i get sooooooooooooooooooo hungry.

hmmm weight issues.

i'll save that for another episode of "i need to get serious"


flushd's picture

Baby, Don't Cry

Ahh, another soul struggling to get their shiot together:)
Thanks for posting. I relate to the struggle.

Good for you, for quitting drinking!! Try to stick with it. You can do it!

They say that realizing you are not happy with what you've got is the biggest step to getting more. I believe that. If you put those thoughts you are having into action, you will kick ass. Look at what you've done so far! Booze is a naughty lover: if you can kick that, all the other stuff is lil potatos.

take care,

FlyflewAway's picture

even if ur gay atleast ur priorities straight

=] well im glad that your know whats going on in ur life because a lot of people just live it and wake up the next day with a whole bunch of shit but yeah i like the way you explain ur story and ill be looking for the next episode

take care

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs