Wow do I really want a girlfriend. It has gotten quite bad lately. At one point it was just a background rumbling in the annals of my mind, but now it has taken the forefront. The same for college. Taking the forefront I mean. I want them both to happen very badly. I have been led to believe that the first will be more readily accomplished when the second happens, so what I really want is college. Sometimes I think about how life would be if I were straight. I would be such a different person I think. I wouldn't feel this barrier between my friends and myself. The straight ones at least. I was talking the other day with my friends, and one said that homophobia is the new prejudice against blacks. Not to say that racism is no longer there, but that it is no longer socially acceptable. At least not overt racism. Overt homophobia is not only accepted, but also expected in many cases. With that being said, it is interesting to think how I would have developed without being personally affected by this homophobic attitude taken by many Americans. I used to think I wanted to be straight, I even tried being bisexual for a while, hoping for that normal life. But now, I am content with who I am. Taking away that lesbian part of myself and replacing it with something else would change me enormously. And I don't want that. Not anymore.