trying

cksb2222's picture

i am sitting in a small room with you, but you're a world away. you look at me with cold eyes, defensive. i am trying to reach out to you, and i am getting burned. your words splice through me. you are closed. i am getting angry, so frustrated. i operate on an emotional plateau.. never swaying too far from something normal, but around you, my behavior spikes. you incite such emotions in me.. i don't know whether i want to hug you or just really arm wrestle you. you tell me i'm not listening to you, that i don't understand where you're coming from. i am trying to listen, but you accuse me of having the worst intentions. i want to help, why can't you understand that. my voice is getting louder, im getting your attention. you start to focus, your eyes get a little warmer, and you plead with me. you plead with me to understand that you are not happy, and for some reason i bring out your defensive side. i don't react.. but that statement hurts more than anything. i listen.. i always listen, and i always will, because i am here for you. your words aren't so harsh now.. you're getting softer, and you put your head down. i see your sides shaking.. you are crying. it kills me to see you like this. as much as i get upset when you talk about how you don't need me, if i stand strong, you start to cave, and i know that you're not as strong as you pretend to me. why don't you understand that i only have the best intentions when it comes to you? i love you..even though i'm not always sure why..i can't even walk the few feet to you to comfort you. i am afraid of not being what you need in this moment, or shattering you.. you are so fragile, i see that now... we somehow maneuver around the awkward emotional pause.. and we are sitting on the floor. we are doing homework and you ask me for something, i don't even remember what. it is on the bed behind me. you reach across me, as if to get what you need, but you wrap your arms around me and bury your head in my shoulder. i hug you back.. holding you just tight enough to let you know that i am here, and no matter how you try to hurt me, i will be strong for you. because that is what you need.