Um Wow

Fairylover2008's picture

So I signed up to be a mentor. I get to help people who
have it bad. The group I signed up with is almost
like Big brother big sister group they are branch
off of it. They where very happy to show how me to
sign up and me being questioning on my sexuality made
no differance to the women helping me. She said
some of the guys who worked with the youth where
gay and some of the girls where lesbian and they had
some bi. So it was different I know am going to school,
running a high school GSA, Write at my schools paper,
work, play in a band and am going to be a mentor.
I like being busy and right know I need it to just
forget that my own life is falling to piece. I got
in a fight with my girlfriend last night and I think
its the first time I have ever seen myself get violent
I took a step back and walked out before I hit her
or anything else but it didn't make me feel better
knowing I very well could have hit her, and at that
point not given a shit. So I have spent most of the
day avoiding everyone and everything. I think in
some ways we are too different. Like when she came
out everyone was fine with it and happy for her. With me
It wasn't like that and she has always been accepted
and I haven't. She had a happy childhood with only
two siblings my childhood I didn't have one with
13 siblings and a twin. Its just not what I wanted
to have to raise the little ones its not how I pictured
my life she never was depressed she never got bounced
from school to school and she never cut all things
I have done but in a way I want someone who didn't
go thought that I just don't want someone who is
so navie. When am I going to get my chance to be happy?

Comments

Shivan's picture

The second you tell yourself

The second you tell yourself and truly believe it.

You mentioned that your girlfriend came out and was accepted, and that you weren't. Is this jealousy? Because it shouldn't be, because you are accepted, by the people who care. You have to let go of the hope that everyone is going to embrace you with open arms and realize that you don't have to prove anything to anybody. As long as you are happy with yourself than that is all that really matters.

But just to let you know, there will always be people who won't judge you and will care for you.

*hugs*

~Shivan~

Fairylover2008's picture

Great

I am not jealous I am glad she had that accpetance
because I don't think she could have handle it if
it wasn't I know not everyone is going to
accept me with open arms and I don't really mind
its part of me and I have came to see this I
only want the people around me who care to accept me
and if they do I am fine.