Fairylover2008's picture

I am fighting myself and everyone around me I mean
I threw punches last night. Danny and Jess came over.
My band mate and the girl I regrad as my sister
who has been with me all my life. I threw punchs
over using a razor, a knife and a fork. I wanted the
razor to shave the knife and fork to eat. I mean
everything sharp has been taken out of this apartment
and I am happy but I have to have basic stuff to
keep hygenie and weight at the reasonable level.
I threw a punch at Jess and she caught it. She knew what
I was going to do we know each other to well. She
went to throw one back and I blocked it. She
finally gave me the razor but sat on the toilet
as I shaved and its like I can do this I don't need
someone watching me. But no she wanted to know I
was going to use it to cut and I still am having the
thought to get a blade or anything and cut. Its
like an addiction and the first step is to admit
I had a problem and I did and know I am trying
to stop but that doesn't shut the feeling off
Then later as we where eating at the house I had
fixed a nice dinner and Danny kept takeing items
away from me and I threw a punch at him and caught
him. He moved back like he had been burned and I let out
a gasp I thought like Jess he's probably caught it
before it caught him. He came and grabbed me in and
hug and ask if I felt better and I started crying
and said no I just wanted to get better I am not
feeling like myself and I know they are going
thought there own problem. Jess is getting
a divorce from her husband. Danny is having problems
with his boyfriend and I just feel really bad that
they are trying to get throught there problems
while helping me with theres and Jess said there
was no where she would rather be than with me. Because
she said thats what friends and sisters do when
they know there friend and sister is hurting. She
said I have been with her while she is going
thought he divorced and even offered to let her
and Logan use my apartment till she finds a job and
gets on her feet. I love her like a sister and
Danny is my best friend and like a brother
Are fathers where in the Navy together and that
makes us close as brother and sister. I need
all the support I can get while I give them support
to them too.