I think I think

Fairylover2008's picture

Maybe not a journal but hey its worth it.
sad-confused-restless,hurt,ready to cry-tense

Sad because I am trying so hard to be who I want
and not getting anywhere yet.
Confused about who I want and why I want them I
am not sure what I want or why and I am trying
hard to figure it out
Restless because it feels like I have nothing to
do I am just paceing the floors like a caged anamial.
Hurt because I know I am falling back and I
am cutting again and its just not goo.
Ready to cry is pretty much self explainarty

Any thing to do but this.
I paced the floor last night. Then went to
see my best friend. The girl who stopped me the
other night her name is J. She opened the door and
grabbed me in a hug. I cried like a baby for about
an hour. Then we began talking. I think of her
as my real sister. She is the closet thing here I
have beside the two people who I have began to
choice as my family. Then we went out in the backyard
and laid on the trampline with her husband. who
took some angry management class's and is a little
better know. We talked and I just wanted to curl up
in someones lap and cry. I am not feeling like
myself at all. I just want to sit and cry for a little
bit and decide what I feel. I know I feel like
shit and I hate cutting myself and yet I can't stop
I am putting a plan into affect to get rid of everything
sharp and only keep the sharp stuff I need and get
rid of everything else. I am trying really hard and
I still feel like I am spinning my wheel and I don't
know why.