things were running smoothly, just up until now. i've tried to be increasingly social, and not turn down people attempting to befriend me. all with various success.
got really depressed again yesterday; mom freaked when i didnt care to say a word during dinner. she said she would spare me her company next time. i made no objection...
but the thing that's bothering me, is all my female friends confiding in me because they know i wont tell anyone, and i guess i give somewhat decent advice as well. but its getting out of hand...
for example, when my best girl friend had to use crutches and stuff because of an accident, she became all suicidal, and started cutting herself like nothing id seen before. id spend hours discussing her problems with her so that she'd "cut down" on the cutting, but when i discovered a whole set of knives hidden in her room, i told another of her friends, whose mother i knew to be a nurse. well, it ended up with her going to a shrink, but i still had to talk to her so that she wouldn't resume hurting herself.
but the one that severely shook me, was when another of my friends caught was pregnant, and sat around in her room, boxing her belly. she was crying, telling me she had killed a child. her boyfriend's 19, a real ass, while she's 15. i think she knew he would never want to father her child, and thats why she did it. hasnt anyone heard about using a condom??
not to mention this girl who feels like she needs to tell me everything about her "sexlife".
these are barely fragments of all they tell me. its really disturbing.
locked myself up in my room last weekend, avoiding all company. spent all my time with books and music, only appearing from the baasement when my stomach complained.
moms leaving for a conference in salt lake city, and she agreed to take me. so, next week, im returning to the states. i'll stay with my dad in wisconsin while shes in utah, and afterwards we both fly to the big apple. its the only thing i have to look forward to at the moment.
school is excruciating, and my grades are plunging. i just dont give a fuck anymore.. i actually had the best grades in my class last year. my ogress mother will certainly freak.
believe im emptly now.