I am back at school after summer vacation and am in a new dorm. My wingmates don't know about meand even though i usually am really good about telling people that I am gay, for some reason I just can't seem to do it this time. It is not like it doesn't come up in conversation, there is a long running joke of my dorm being the lesbian hall. I just can not do it right now and I don't know why. It is like I have put myself back in the closet all over again. I'm not sure why I am hiding it, its not like it won't come out eventually, but I am having a lot of trouble. I just don't get why I am doing this to myself again. I've fallen back into the pattern of playing straight. when we talk about our past relationships I'm substituting pronouns, I'm pretending to have crushes on guys,it makes me feel like such a hypocrite and I its not very plesent. I mean I'm even hiding it from my roommate, and that takes some effort. It's just, i came out, why am i pretending again.