ghetto_rainbow's picture

My father has really been pissing me off with all of his crap. He told my brother and I months ago that he was moving out, he's been living with his fiance since the beginning of the summer. But every so often he has to come over here and start fucking with that shit. DOPE. I know when he's high and I know when he's on some bullshit. I can see it coming a mile away with him. After all I'm just like him. My dad has some qualitiess that I admire in him but it is so hard for me to look up to him as a role model. I do not respect him. Not even a little bit. IT's a struggle for me to be polite with him somedays. But it's only when he's getting high or he's been off of it for only afew days. I hate that this drug has destroyed my relationship with my father. I was always a dadd's girl. Extremely spoiled, probably bratty. My dad gave me whatever it was that I wanted. But now things are so different . I've been living with my father on and off since I was 18, so for the last four years. I have grown up a lot in the last four years. There used to be people coming and going in the house all hours of the night. One night, when I had first moved in with him, I was staying here with my boyfriend. Something was wrong with the toilet in the upstairs bathroom so we had to use the one in the basement. I got up in the middle of the night, like 2a.m. to use the bathroom. I went downstairs and there were people all in the house. There was this man with white hair just nodding off in the kitchen. I think he was on heroin. He was standing near the sink but leaning away from it and not falling over. There were people all in the living room. I can't believe that my father was living like that. There have been times when it was worst than that, when I was here without my brother or someone else. When it was just my dad and I living here. I can't believe that he would let me see him like that, high as a kite, up to no good with peopel that aren't worth shit. I hate these people, these dopefiends. That shit is just destoying my family and I am so fucking sick of it. It's destroyed a lot of families in so many ways. I cannot respect these people for the life of me. I will out right disrespect a crackhead, slam the door in their face, hang up on them, look at them like I'm crazy and want to fight them. I do not care. Who gives a fuck about them? I hate my dad for all of the crap that he's put me through. I hate that he doesn't want to get help and clean his life up. I've tried to get him to go into rehab on several occasions but he refuses. I even took him rehab once. I just called him on his bluff. He went along with it until they put him in this little ass room to wait. He started to act a fool. I just want him to get some help because he is such a nice person underneath his problems. He's got a really big heart underneath it all.