So Damn Angry, But I Can't Let It Out

RadclyffeGeek's picture

I have two mates, well it seems more like HAD two mates. They've recently drifted away, conveniently around the time I came out to them, and now I'm on my own most of the time. Today I got the nerve to talk to someone else about how I felt- and this girl agreed that they were giving me a raw deal, and basically said that I deserved better. Still, by now we've been in school for 4 years- and everyone is already in their own little groups. I'm pretty much a misfit- and so a lot of the groups wouldn't accept me anyway, and everyone else would think I was just using them.
Today I just wanted to scream at them. They were ignoring me until they wanted something off me, which was the copy my homework. I wanted to tel lthem to fuck off, that I'm not just there when they want something. I didn't, of course, I passed my book over and said, "Fine," I guess I just don't want confrontation. I just want my old friends back, the way they used to act.

They spend all their money on going to gigs and concerts togehter- yet Im not into their sort of music so I don't go. When I want them to come to the cinema with me, they're skint or saving for the next concert- so I miss out again.

I just need to scream, need to vent in some audible way- rather than by writing. I want to go out into some field, or on top of some hill and scream. I would, tonight, if it wasn't the worst rain imaginable. I just want to be away from them, just slip away unnoticed and into the welcoming arms of some other people- people who understnad friendship values and won't go out at dinner and leave me alone in the school.
People suck

xxxLisa

Comments

Daelus's picture

Becky?

Well, you definitely deserve better than those
two. They shouldn't be leaving you alone like that.
What about Becky and her group?

As for the screaming thing.. go for it. Well, if the
rain is too bad, then wait til it's not (or
just put on a coat, and uh.. yes, lots of coats).
Then just go scream your head off. That
might make you feel better. :)

It does suck to be alone in the school at lunchtime..

"If nothing we do matters, then all that
matters is what we do."

milly the fairy's picture

If you can talk about it to s

If you can talk about it to someone else, why not them? You need to let them know how you feel, even if its only for one issue - ie, like "Hey, how come I never see you at the weekend?" and suggest something cheapish, so they can't get out of it with the "no money" excuse.

Then you'll be able to get how they feel - you can judge their reactions.

rowie's picture

im in a pretty similar posito

im in a pretty similar positon, except i have lots of people im friends with at school, just not GOOD friends, people to see at weekends etc. im just trying to become more friends with others, but i can see thats hard when people are in their own groups. maybe taking things up to make friends out of school and just be chatty and friendly with people you sit near in classes etc to meet people to hang out with at school.

--how can you smile with all those tears in your eyes?--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

the mouse that roared's picture

:(

That's so shitty of them to do that to you! Grr... Just let me at 'em!

My school's like that, too, with a lot of different groups that are pretty rigid. I'm a misfit in school--I have a friend in the girl-jocks group, two friends in the drama club that are a year older, a friend two grades below me, and a whole bunch of acquaintances. It's lonely not to have a group where you fit in. I haven't come out to a lot of my friends, so that's not so much of a factor...

About screaming--go find a soundproofed room somewhere, if there aren't any deserted hills about. It's not quite as satisfying, but you can still let it out. :)

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser