I have two mates, well it seems more like HAD two mates. They've recently drifted away, conveniently around the time I came out to them, and now I'm on my own most of the time. Today I got the nerve to talk to someone else about how I felt- and this girl agreed that they were giving me a raw deal, and basically said that I deserved better. Still, by now we've been in school for 4 years- and everyone is already in their own little groups. I'm pretty much a misfit- and so a lot of the groups wouldn't accept me anyway, and everyone else would think I was just using them.
Today I just wanted to scream at them. They were ignoring me until they wanted something off me, which was the copy my homework. I wanted to tel lthem to fuck off, that I'm not just there when they want something. I didn't, of course, I passed my book over and said, "Fine," I guess I just don't want confrontation. I just want my old friends back, the way they used to act.
They spend all their money on going to gigs and concerts togehter- yet Im not into their sort of music so I don't go. When I want them to come to the cinema with me, they're skint or saving for the next concert- so I miss out again.
I just need to scream, need to vent in some audible way- rather than by writing. I want to go out into some field, or on top of some hill and scream. I would, tonight, if it wasn't the worst rain imaginable. I just want to be away from them, just slip away unnoticed and into the welcoming arms of some other people- people who understnad friendship values and won't go out at dinner and leave me alone in the school.