Trying to Make Things Work (and/or Subconsciously Sabotaging Myself)

Daisy's picture

So, as I said in my last entry, there's a boy who likes me, and I think I like him, too. :/

We went out this weekend and had a good time. He knows that I'm gay, and he knows that I like him, and it's all kind of absurd, but I'm trying to make it work. We're trying to make it work.

We talked about how upset and confused he would be if he liked a guy, and we talked about how I might not be able to handle this. He said he hopes I don't have to bail (obviously) but it's okay if I do, and we'll be friends.

I hate this, but I also love it. That is, I hate that this is is so fucked up and confusing, but I'm also all giddy and giggly and excited.

I'm home sick from school today. It's no fun.

He likes me and I like him but I'm worried that that's not enough, somehow. (What else is there?)

My mother says that the reason this is so stressful and confusing is that I'm not ready for a "big old relationship." Maybe she's right. I'm scared that there's something wrong with me; that's it's not that I'm too young, but that I'm just incapable.

:(

I think that this is mostly in my head.

I think that this is going to be okay.

Comments

Patch's picture

hon, if you like him, go for

hon, if you like him, go for it. Follow your heart on this one. The head is a good thing to listen too, but it can just as easily get in your way. Don't overthink this, it is not a horrible travesty against queerdom to like a guy. I personally know a lesbian who went out with this guy for like a year and a half. It was a very happy relationship. And she got p.o.'d at me for mistakenly calling her bi.

So you can be a lesbian and dating a guy at the same time. Just don't let your head get in the way.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

rowie's picture

if its fun and exciting, have

if its fun and exciting, have fun and be excited, you deserve it.let him know exactly whats going on in your head,he seems very understanding and that way he can help you and you wont feel you are using him or giving him the wrong signals. let him know you want to try this (if you do) but you cant promise how youll feel at any point and you need him to understand this. good luck. he sounds great, go for what you want.

--how can you smile with all those tears in your eyes?--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**