I’m back to scratch.
I have nothing really, and more importantly, no one. I’m fifteen now, and as every day passes, I get increasingly depressed from not having anyone to care about, no social life, and no experience. I just feel like the years I’ve lived so far have been a total waste of time. God, like all my friends have had someone, even my most hopeless an unattractive friends. I simply never bothered, since I didn’t like girls. Period. It was that easy. I thought it silly to rush things, and that someone would turn up before long. Well guess what: no one has. I feel totally and utterly alone. Why? I mean, it’s not fucking fair. It’s like I’ve built a wall around my heart.
I cried today. For the first time in years. Just from thinking.
No one cares too. Like, the people I’ve told so far have accepted me, but not understood me at all. I can’t talk to them about my frustrations or feelings. And when I meet other guys on the net in a similar situation, I just end up helping them with their problems, without talking about my own. It’s really taxing.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so down before. Things were going okay for a short while back there, but when I think of it, they really were not. I guess I just chose to ignore my situation, and accept my fate, whatever it is. Well, it’s not working anymore. I can’t be a victim of truce with my own feelings. I have to confront them. But I don’t really see how. It’s like everything is closing in on me; time, space, the walls. Swelling. It’s not fair.