So about an hour ago I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom and
we were talking about me. (oh boy) We talked about today's events, the same
thing we do every night, we all know how it goes. What I remember most about
tonights conversation with her is when she said "I know you're not schwuel"
(that's slang for gay in german, and I'm not sure on the spelling either, but
we all get the drift.)
It all started when my friend, Ryan and I were giving my dog a bath in the
bathtub. The bathroom door was closed and my radio was on. Well, my mom not
being the brightest crayon in the box, said she was thinking "oh boy, you and
Ryan in the bathroom together..." Yea, I just about threw up in my mouth when
she said that one. If I were straight he'd be the last man I'd go for. Weird.
Well, she went on saying something about she wouldn't mind him being with me
and all this good stuff. (Yea, she wouldn't mind, but I would.)
That's when I told her I would never be with him. She didn't quite get the
whole sense of the statement. Then we went on eating some more. A few minutes
later she picks up her head and says, "You know what's kind of odd. Well, you
have never really had a real boyfriend not for a long time anyways, you don't
seem interested in boys, and (this is where the bomb hit) I KNOW (she said it
like that too) that you're not schwuel"- which she sort of said in a whisper.
I sort of tensed up at this point.
I didn't know what to do or say. I don't know how she can be so blind. I wanted
to just look at her and say "What makes you think I'm not gay, mom?" I know it's
a parents biggest fear for their child, being gay. The law sucks and we'll
probably never be treated the same as straight people, but they also need to
realize that that's what we have to deal with. It's not their fault we're gay.
We made the choice to listen to our hearts and deal with what we are.
It just sucks not being able to come clean. Well, wish me luck tomorrow, I'm
going to go job hunting (yikes!)