I wish I could fall in love...

somedays dreamer's picture

I really find it a pain that everyone around me is still in love and even more of them are falling in love everyday. I say I want to be single, but my heart tells me to go out with this one girl that really likes me (I like her too). Yet I can't, not only am I still in the closet when it comes to my parents; but my parents will not let me date anyone. I sorta wish that I never found out that she liked me, so that I can go on in blissful ignorance, but I can't I mean since I found out that she liked me, I have been doing so much better. I mean I am getting a 3.7 GPA ( I never achieved that before in my life), I am losing weight (which is hard considering all the goddamn hormones and steroids I have to take), I am not seeing the psychologists anymore. I love the feeling, and I would love to know what it would be to really be in love. I mean I have friends who hooked up and they had to keep it a secret because their parents had the same conditions as mine, and it is ridiculus what they have to do just to sneak a kiss (crawl to the school's underground crawlspace and boiler room or even a broom closet) I don't want to do that, but I know if i come out the worst things can happen. I know my parents will kill me...who ever said love was the easiest thing was either a very rich person or a person in complete and total denial.

Comments

jeff's picture

I'm confused...

Let me see if I understand this:

You're in the closet.

Your parent won't let you date.

I guess my confusion is that if they don't know you're gay, wouldn't going to see a movie with someone of the same sex not seem like a date to them? Wouldn't that be you going to see a movie with a friend?

somedays dreamer's picture

Heh, here's the catch, my par

Heh, here's the catch, my parents saw one of my friends one day, and she was wearing a gay pride shirt. So my parents think that since I have a lot of gay friends then they have a right to be suspicious, I am not let out of the house except for school, church, family outings, and school trips ( I hate being stuck in the house too, because I don't even have a door anymore.)

I used to hate it, before I went to an all-girl-school, how all the boys I knew would say "I bet you will turn out to be a lesbian by the time of our reunion," little did they know I was already one. Heheheh Those bastards threw my desk out of a window j

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

I think you should go for it.

I think you should go for it. I tried a relationship (it was more like an experimentation that didn't go well cuz she wasnt gay) one time so I don't really have much to offer but maybe I have some stuff here. It is really hard to have a relationship when you arent allowed to date and your parents dont know youre gay. Considering the circumstances, if you hang out with this girl it wont look any different than two friends. Also, with the way preps act (sorry if you find that term offensive in any way) it would look perfectly normal for girls to hug or be mildly affectionate with each other. Did this help in any way? Sorry if I can't really help...I'm not the most experienced in this department.

KJ

*Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly*
*Hopelessly, I'll give you anything*

I wish ~you~ would be *my* brown-eyed girl.

somedays dreamer's picture

Well for some reason my paren

Well for some reason my parents are very annoying and they follow me every where. I can't be affecionate to another girl or person because they would see it, and it doesn't help that they know a lot of my friends are gay. So yeah, not going for it,my parents are always watching and if its not them its teachers and we both know that going to the hideout in school would put so many other girls in trouble.

I used to hate it, before I went to an all-girl-school, how all the boys I knew would say "I bet you will turn out to be a lesbian by the time of our reunion," little did they know I was already one. Heheheh Those bastards threw my desk out of a window j