I'm So Tired of Everything

devildog's picture

Being out to my family really isn't enough-I still feel so...pissy. I got home today and found out I had left my Algebra II book at school. Now, instead of being mildly annoyed, I practically began sobbing. It's just a homework assignment worth 5 points that I needed to do! Yet my world ended.

I hate people having this false perseption of me, of not being honest with the wrold. For years I lied to myself and those around me about liking guys, it's time to stop being a hypocrit. I mean, my family should have taught me the dangers of that!

My grandad's gay...and still married to my grandmother. Why? Who the Hell knows. He grew up hating himself, I guess-being gay in the forties must have been horrible. So he lead a life with a horrible marriage and bad relationships, and the repercutions of this have affected even me. Just, it makes me want to change it all.

But I also don't want to get hurt. I spent years in middle school being bullied, which was...the worst time of my life.

Being gay, I mean, I wish people could just accept it as normal. Why must the US be so weird about it, Chrisitianity in particular? My mind wishes people would just see it as a non-issue, but people will. Because I go to a Catholic school, and teenage girls are immature sometimes. I mean, people go "ew" when I mention condoms. They're condoms, people!

However, I have a cold, which commonly inhibits lucidity in my scrambled brain, so this may make no sense.

But I'm still moody, pissy, and generally morose.

Stupid hormones.


Kang Lin's picture

It _is_ a non-issue

If only they'd see it, of course. To say that it is normal of course is a non sequitur, since it is an unavoidable fact that ~9/10 people are not gay. It's natural, yes, but not normal. If your outlook is consistent then you can be sure of the moral high ground.

Anywho, I'll lay off the philosophicalisms. *hugs* and hope the cold gets better soon :-)

somethingofvalue's picture

Someday it won't matter, but

Someday it won't matter, but until then we can only deal with it...*Sends hugs* It'll be okay.