Isolation All Around Me

devildog's picture

I go to an all Girl's Catholic high school, and it's weighing me down. I just finally feel so comfortable with myself, I feel like I could really tell people I'm gay without being embarassed or ashamed. But I've read the Catholic doctorine on homosexuality, and it is so hyprocrital and strange. They believe that being gay is okay, but acting gay is bad. What is that? Why do we have to live a life of chastity, to never experience love, to never have a family, to never bring our joy into the world?

Next semester I'm taking a Christian morality class, and I've been sure to read what they have to say on homosexuality, and its that same message-the act is sinful, and you have to remain chaste. God, it makes me feel so invisible and annexed from everyone. I know in the very core of my being that I was born gay, that God loves me no matter who I am or what I do. Why are some people so blind and ignorant?

I really want to start a GSA, but I'm afraid to. I know the administration would be okay with it, I'm pretty certain. But I'm more scared about the students, who are immature about it. The girls go "Ew, that's so gross" whever anyone mentions girls kissing. And I know some people believ it's a sin. So what do I do?

I haven't even told anyone there-I'm waiting to do that after I tell my best friend, Rose. The only thing is, though, she's also immature about it, and I'm worried that if I tell her, our relationship will be tense. I don't want her to think I'll hit on her, I would never do that; I know she's straight and I would never make her feel uncomfortable. But I feel so bad about not telling her, she's my best friend and I should be able to share this with her. And because I have to wait to be out at school the pressure is building up. I constantly have the urge to blurt it out to her before I go crazy.

Damn it, it shouldn't have to be this complicated! I should be able to say, "I'm gay," without worrying that people will freak out about it and hurt me!

Our country...it's just so weird.

~Sam

Comments

Sesshoumaru s male lover's picture

If you need someone to talk t

If you need someone to talk to ,I'm here for you.
Cogito Ergo Sum

Sugarbear's picture

Thanx

Thanx for the comment you sent me yesterday it
really helped I read your last journal and just
wanted to tell u if u need anyone to talk to I'm
here.

Sesshoumaru s male lover's picture

Jen15's picture

I go to a catholic school too

I go to a catholic school too, I know how you feel, you can talk to me if you need to.

fishy_0123's picture

you know what i believe that

you know what i believe that god did make me gay and i know he still loves me and i know that he still loves you too... hmm thats a really good question... why are people so blind? I think because they dont like difference or change in the 'normal' path of life.. something to think about... Im not really sure about what you should do about telling your friend rose. when you feel comfortable im sure you'll tell her ( i know that prolly everyone has given you the same advive and im sorry :) KEEP ON TRUCKIN' hehehehe

what is 'normal'?