Today was, in essence, a mixed bag. Not a nice bag, mind you, but one of those slick yet crusty garbage bags you find on the side of the road, filled with a bunch of half-rotten food and waste, but inside it all is a ring of gold.
Yes, I enjoy metaphor, and by now have grossed myself out.
The morning started off as a typical mom brain fart. Yesterday the power had gone out, and she set the clock badly, so the alarm never went off, and she woke up at 8:20. I had been feeling bad yesterday, and this really didn't help me get off to a good start. My cold seemed to magnify, and I felt the icy anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Nothing was going to help my mood much, so when we got to school I was on the point of tears. I'm usually not like this, but my anxiety just makes my moods so...eratic and crazy.
I told my mom how I was feeling, and she sat me down on a bench and we talked for a while. My feelings poured out, I couldn't not say it-I felt like I was leading a double life, open about being gay at home and every where else I was lying. She aknowledged she didn't know what it was like, and said I didn't have to lie. I could just say the truth.
So, I've decided that's what I'll do. I'm going to stop lying. When the inevitable conversation of boys comes up, I'll just say I'm not into guys. And if they don't like it or get squeamish, Hell, I'm not their babysitter . They'll deal with me and I'll deal with them. They'll probably ask if I'm gay, as a joke most likely, and I'll just say "Maybe." And when it gets brought up again, I'll say "Yes."
I'm going to come out in manigable doses for now;).
Although my sick sense of humour may take over and make me poke at them. What, I'm one of those people who pokes at dead animals with a stick!
LOL, I'm not very sweet, aren't I?
It's a funny thing to think of your peers as dead squirrels.