making myself feel better by rambling

saves_the_day's picture

Oh, I'm getting's suppose to snow tomorrow! Wooohooooo. Even if it's the
crap with rain mixed in, it's still snow. I must be crazy. I wait for the frist snow
every year like a kid waiting for christmas morning. The first snow is my christmas.
It's the one thing I'm certain to have every year. The way the snow blankets the
ground and cars and houses, it's peaceful and relaxing.
The last few days nothing big has happened in my neck of the woods. There haven't
been any weird momments of silence. Nothing bad has happened. It's been actually
rather normal. And that's kind of weird.
I went out to eat with my friend Sam and her parents the other night. I got a free
meal out of it, literally. They were going to pay for me, but then something happened
with my chicken and so they didn't charge us for it. It was a little weird. I still
don't know what happened with it. I was going to tell Sam that night that I was a
lesbian, but her mother was around almost the entire time and I just couldn't pull
myself together to do it. I don't really want her parents to find out that I'm gay before
my own mother finds out, even though they are like my second family.
I think after I come back from Kansas City with Ryan I'm going to tell her. And I'll
probably tell him after that trip too. He doesn't really need to be creaped out by
me while we're stuck in a hotel room together. I don't think I could even handle
I ordered a bunch of books last night for my trip. They should be here sometime before
I leave. I got 4 books off of my wish list, but then I added another one to it.
If I were made of money I'd buy books, and more books, and even more books. that I think of it. Something weird did happen these last few days.
Wait, actually, there might have been more than just one thing that was weird that
happened. One of them was nice and weird, the other one was more uncomfortable than weird
One of my friends is just completely lost in the thought that Ryan and I will end up
getting married and as she puts it "throw out a couple hundred babies" Yea, she
doesn't know that I'm gay yet. We were on our way to our ex-boss's wake and she
started up that conversation again. I almost threw up in my mouth, again.
I drop all these hints to my friends about my sexuality, but they don't seem to catch
on.Oh well, it's partly my fault. I should just come out with it and tell them.
But on the plus side, I went to McD's the other day and there was this super
gorgous girl behind the counter. Spent the whole time checking her out. My two
friends didn't even realize what I was staring at. All they knew was that I was
staring at something.
That was kind of nice. Man, they don't realize anything. Their ignorance is my bliss.
I don't know whether to laugh or to cry at that factor. Okay, enough rambling for the
time being. I'm in a pretty good mood right now remembering this girl.... :)