Maybe I do need help!

Fairylover2008's picture

I am broke no money in my pocket or anywhere else
and my car won't work, and I may or may not go back
to school next year and if I do the car won't get
fixed but if I fix the car no way I will go back
to school and I am to something to take a loan out
because I don't want to be like my parents in debt and
trying to fight a way out of it and still being
rich enought to take a vaction every know and then
I haven't had one in a while and what happen to those
days when we would drive to Lake Erie and lay on the hood of the car and
just watch and wish we had the world at are feet
and then relizing we do and it isn't all its
cracked up to be. I also am so mad that I am crying
again because it seems all of my dreams are just
not going where I want them to I sing myself to
sleep each night till I am hoarse and wake up the
next morning still sleeply, and I hate my friends
most of the time and I feel like I am watching
a train wreak and I have no way to stop it and
I am so helpless and part of my is wondering what
it would feel like to die and screw talking to anyone
because all they want is answer to their problems
and I don't have the fucking answers anymore because
if I did if I had a magic wand I would have used
it so much by know there would be no magic left
for anyone else fucking problems. I have my own and
my own are taking more time to fix while causeing
me pain that will take years to heal. Because I
don't have anyone around me who wants to listen
and yet I want to lay on the floor and never ever
move every again. This is me and I don't want anyone
to see so I act like in class at work at the club
I've been dragged out that I am happy and I want
to be there if only they knew how much I hated it
the fakeness the angry the darkness the way I
hate myself and everyone in my past and even my
friends on any given day I just want to fade away
whats so wrong with that?