My Mood Tastes Like Sour Milk

devildog's picture

Have you ever gone to the refrigerator for some nice, refreshing, clean milk? Then, when you take a swig from the carton, you discover it tastes like moldy feet?

This is what happens to me whenever I contemplate my life. I know I could live in the MIddle East and be executed, or be kicked out of my home, or whatever other horrible things that could happen to me for being gay, but that isn't comforting. It just reveals that so much of the world hates this one aspect of me to the point of pure hatred.

I'm an Episcopalian, and I have to say being associated with it is wearing me down. About a year ago or so, we ordained one openly gay Bishop and now the whole Anglican community is in turmoil. But what bothers me is that we can be ordained as priests in the church, attend the church, do everything in the church except get married.

Why? I know the opposing arguements, but somehow their holes are way too prominent for me to take them seriously. How can some people think this way? I'm gay, but I'm also a daughter, a woman, a writer, a friend.

It's not fair that I have to be in fear that if I come out too soon, people will reject me and be disgusted by me. So I have to take my idle time, inching along my ture self's presence at a snail pase...just for their comfort. What about mine?

There's so much bitterness in the world it makes me sick. Will we our world ever have peace?