Odd Chub Out -Part One

PalmBeachChub's picture

Hi folks this is my first try at writing for Oasis,
a site that I have long admired (since 1997) yet have never felt that what
I could contribute would be either accepted or appreciated.

Why you may ask, it that?

See, I'm one of the invisible people in the gay community, the kind of guy
most gay men wouldn't give a second glance to as I walked by them, or helped
them on a professional basis. At a gay club chances are I would be mocked,
called names (probably to my face),or most likely of all, ignored.

Am I some kind of monster? No. Do I have some scary and contageous illness
that strikes fear in the hearts of all around me? Not at all!

So what is so terribly wrong with me? I can hear your voices begging for an
answer...please tell us...please!!!

It's quite simple,actually.

My horrible condition is that I'm a fat man in my 30's.

I can hear it now, loud and clear, what many of you are thinking. What is HE
doing here? This is the bastion for gay YOUTH, not a nursing home. I bet he's
some pervert who hangs out on playgrounds looking for "fun". Probably has
every social disease known to mankind. Why doesn't he find some old man to
hit on?

How many of you thought some or all of those things I just wrote? Keep
reading, this may open your eyes a bit wider.

Contrary to what some of you may be thinking, I'm a decent person. I'm
starting a career as a health professional,and I love what I do. I drive a
modest car and have my own place, although right now I'm renting. I'm clean
cut, and although I've lost some hair, people are almost always shocked when
they discover my true age. With a baseball cap on I can pass for 10-15 years
younger. Although I do not attend religious services, I consider myself to be
a morally sound and honest person, just the type of guy most parents would
want thier children to meet and bring home.

So what am I writing this?

It's simple yet scary. Some of you may want to think about what I'm going to
say next because in a few years it may happen to you.

I'm here because quite frankly I'm the kind of guy the popular gay world would

love
to see disappear and go off to where I "belong".

Where is that you may wonder?

I'll tell you.

The Bear World.

Of course, duh. Over thirty...fat...lost some hair...that spells B-E-A-R. So
what's the problem?

I'm not a bear.

I'm not super hairy, and am clean shaven. I'll admit,I cheat and remove some
of my body hair, but so do thousands of guys. Visited a gym lately? You'll
see what I mean. I've been chubby/fat my entire life but I grew up being one
of the handful of fat kids in my high school class.

If I went to high school today I'd be in or close to the majority of the
students. My how times have changed!

Keep reading...you may be me in a few years.

If being gay wasn't full of enough stereotypes, try being classified as a
bear!

All I have to do it tell someone that a chubby guy, and suddenly I'm expected to

be into a hairy,leather wearing guy with full facial
hair, barebacking behind a Dumpster in an alley behind some sleazy club...
I'm NOT making that up. I'm required to speak what to me is a foriegn language,
the lingo of Bears. Should I make the gravest sin of all and say I'm not into
hairy men, it means that I hate myself.

There are some elements of the Bear culture that can be beneficial, looking
beyond the hair and such. It's the only group within the gay subculture that
actively promotes intergenerational relationships...I'm not talking about
pedastery here, I'm referring to young adults being involved with guys old enough
to be thier parents or uncles.

That, dear readers, is for me to discuss the next time.

PBC

Comments

Patch's picture

Hon, you should still get inv

Hon, you should still get involved in the gay world. Go to some parties (trust me, they won't kick you out cuz you aren't thin) or get involved in a gay pride parade, or go visit a gay gym, take a gay cruise, or something like that. You shouldn't be scared to try. YOu think you are the only one who is overweight, gay and in their 30's? I know plenty of guys like that.

Listen, beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. And mind is over matter. What I mean is, go out there, have fun, and who gives a flipping you know what about what others say. Take pride in who you are and others will have to admire you.

It may be hard (and I speak from personal experience hon), but you must learn to love yourself. You sound pretty self critical. Nobody's perfect. Even those who are super skinny have problems, like the only way they could get to their body size was years of purging every morsel of food they ate (note to others who will flame me for that, I only refer to some of those who are super skinny. I recognise that many others have lost weight in many other much safer techniques). See what I mean? And those who laugh at others do it because they feel so bad about themselves. So just be selfconfident. Remember, if one does not try, one shall never succeed.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

PalmBeachChub's picture

Thanks

Dear Ghosba,

Thank you for writing and sorry for my late reply, we have an Internet server issue going on right now in my area that's hurting my connection.

I'm not out mainly because I've never felt comfortable with the gay culture-the whole flaunting your sexuality attitude doesn't mesh well with my true beliefs and personality. I've had the unfortunate experience of being outed at work and that is what led me to leave my hometown.

I'm sure there's a way for me to belong somewhere, I just haven't found it yet.

Best Wishes,

PBC

toblerone's picture

I know it has been said many

I know it has been said many times - Beauty is not the what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts the most. As people age, their outer selves decay, but if a person has beauty inside them, it'll never disappear.

I'm sure there is someone out there waiting for you. You just have to go out there and look.

O, and, it's true that outer beauty make people feel more confident...so if you want to chance, you CAN. Start working out, eat better food, and not become a different person, but a person with more confidence. I know you can do it.

Tobz

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bbaroundtheworld.blogspot.com

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PalmBeachChub's picture

Thanks

Dear Tobz,

The gay culture is rooted in appearance first, then personality, not shocking considering that heterosexual relationships start the same way. Man sees woman, wonam sees man...you get the idea.

For guys,losing thier hair is sometimes so difficult that anything that can be done to correct it is done, whether it works or not. The
hair restoration industry is so huge at least partially due to the equasion of hair=youth. One irony is men who either shave or trim thier hair so short that they look bald as soon as hair loss starts.

Beating Mother Nature at Her own game? Maybe.

I'm working on a follow-up rant to my first one. I hope you'll read and enjoy it.

Thanks,

PBC