Hi folks this is my first try at writing for Oasis,
a site that I have long admired (since 1997) yet have never felt that what
I could contribute would be either accepted or appreciated.
Why you may ask, it that?
See, I'm one of the invisible people in the gay community, the kind of guy
most gay men wouldn't give a second glance to as I walked by them, or helped
them on a professional basis. At a gay club chances are I would be mocked,
called names (probably to my face),or most likely of all, ignored.
Am I some kind of monster? No. Do I have some scary and contageous illness
that strikes fear in the hearts of all around me? Not at all!
So what is so terribly wrong with me? I can hear your voices begging for an
answer...please tell us...please!!!
It's quite simple,actually.
My horrible condition is that I'm a fat man in my 30's.
I can hear it now, loud and clear, what many of you are thinking. What is HE
doing here? This is the bastion for gay YOUTH, not a nursing home. I bet he's
some pervert who hangs out on playgrounds looking for "fun". Probably has
every social disease known to mankind. Why doesn't he find some old man to
How many of you thought some or all of those things I just wrote? Keep
reading, this may open your eyes a bit wider.
Contrary to what some of you may be thinking, I'm a decent person. I'm
starting a career as a health professional,and I love what I do. I drive a
modest car and have my own place, although right now I'm renting. I'm clean
cut, and although I've lost some hair, people are almost always shocked when
they discover my true age. With a baseball cap on I can pass for 10-15 years
younger. Although I do not attend religious services, I consider myself to be
a morally sound and honest person, just the type of guy most parents would
want thier children to meet and bring home.
So what am I writing this?
It's simple yet scary. Some of you may want to think about what I'm going to
say next because in a few years it may happen to you.
I'm here because quite frankly I'm the kind of guy the popular gay world would
to see disappear and go off to where I "belong".
Where is that you may wonder?
I'll tell you.
The Bear World.
Of course, duh. Over thirty...fat...lost some hair...that spells B-E-A-R. So
what's the problem?
I'm not a bear.
I'm not super hairy, and am clean shaven. I'll admit,I cheat and remove some
of my body hair, but so do thousands of guys. Visited a gym lately? You'll
see what I mean. I've been chubby/fat my entire life but I grew up being one
of the handful of fat kids in my high school class.
If I went to high school today I'd be in or close to the majority of the
students. My how times have changed!
Keep reading...you may be me in a few years.
If being gay wasn't full of enough stereotypes, try being classified as a
All I have to do it tell someone that a chubby guy, and suddenly I'm expected to
be into a hairy,leather wearing guy with full facial
hair, barebacking behind a Dumpster in an alley behind some sleazy club...
I'm NOT making that up. I'm required to speak what to me is a foriegn language,
the lingo of Bears. Should I make the gravest sin of all and say I'm not into
hairy men, it means that I hate myself.
There are some elements of the Bear culture that can be beneficial, looking
beyond the hair and such. It's the only group within the gay subculture that
actively promotes intergenerational relationships...I'm not talking about
pedastery here, I'm referring to young adults being involved with guys old enough
to be thier parents or uncles.
That, dear readers, is for me to discuss the next time.