Campfire's picture

Life is so full of routine, and it's not until you've sufficiently repeated that routine enough times that you look back and wonder where the time went, that you start to reflect on how many routines are actually built into your life. And are they lots of small ones, part of just one large routine...and worse still, how long have you been following them? I think most people have said at some stage, "God, has it been that long?"

Every night I get out of the bath where I proceed to drip dry in a towel. I just sit and think for a bit really, about life. Amazing really what you realise when you look back at things - it's only whilst writing this that I realise how philosophical I am! Anyway..I sometimes look in my bedroom mirror. I'm not fat, but I haven't got a particularly skinny body, nor do I have a six pack. Just average. I then kneel in front of my mirror to put some spot cream on. I haven't got particularly bad skin, nor is it perfect. Just average.

I look down to the left of me and notice a delivery note from a couple of months back. When did my 32 inch small jeans become a 34 inch large? Ugh. And why do I keep noticing small things, like how Antarctica is spelt incorrectly on the latest poll at the time of writing? When did I start getting tired at 11pm?

It's this routine which gets me down. It's so bleak, so the same and you have to wonder when it's going to end. Then of course I start to wonder if it's because I'm in the closet. Wouldn't it just be great to come out and not care, to go and live independently. Further thinking reveals the implications of such reckless action though, and sadly, as much as I think not hiding and constantly lying anymore would be fantastic, I would just be taking Earth off my shoulders and replacing it with Jupiter. The frustration of such a catch 22 is unbearable and yet just another part of my inextricable routine - life.