selfdiscovery

saves_the_day's picture

With my recent journey through selfdiscovery, I have selfdiscovered a bad habit.
I went for a walk today to the park down the street from my house and spent like
almost 2 hours there. It would have been longer but the batteries in my mp3
player died. My bad habit: smoking.
I really dislike smoking but lately it seems like my only friend. It's always
there for me when I need it, doesn't criticize me for who I am, and hell it
helps keep my head straight. I wrote to myself in my personal journal, that
I take with me almost everywhere, sat at the lake for a while, and then spent
the rest of my time sitting on the swing.
Although,I wish I was still sitting on that swing right now, just doing nothing,
I know I should try to keep my efforts going to come out. As I was walking home
Ryan pulled up beside me in his automobile (I'm thinking of the asian kid in
Sixteen Candles who drives his foreign exchange parents car in the lake...that
would be awesome to do.) God did I just want to kick him. But I also wanted to
come clean to him about myself.
Why does it have to be so hard to tell people who mean so much to you the truth?

Comments

analyticallyinclined's picture

I know what you mean

Why does it have to be so hard to tell people who mean so much to you the truth?

God what a hard question! Like the subject implies however, I know just what you mean. I have a friend I've been in love with, off and on. Oh those times I wanted to tell him I sometimes can't help but need him. Those times he spent in my room with me, laughing and goofing, where I wanted to be lauging as the real me, the gay me.
But alas, he still does not know. Neither do my relatives, or any family for that matter, or anyone of my church congregation...no one, cept some councelors. But in the end, what are a few councelors over a heap of relatives and a true love? Not much I'd say.
So my point now is that even though I've stacked up odds for you that all may seem negative, I know that you can, and will surivive to see the light. You have too, it would be so stupid not to. Just think of life as a day thing. Once ones over, your a step towards something potentially better. Or fixed, whatever you want it to be. It does help, and in time, I know that people like us will have to be rewarded. Somehow some way.

Hope that helped. :)

Loves!

Its the little things that make the big things.