THere is nothing like running in the late October drizzle at night. It's a feeling of freedom. THe fall smells pleasantly assult my sense, deep ones like leaves and smoke and almost-snow. I'm starting to get back to normal after the past few months-what I suppose is normal, but the questions I had before are coming up again. What actually prompted me to write in this again is not guilt for neglecting it for so long, but my recent watching of the Starship Galatica series, -which by the way, is really cool-and mooning over Starbuck- the really hot pilot. I'm not sure I want to open the can of worms I was exploring last year again, but I am just confused. Gay-bi-straight? THis is not my first crush on a girl-or girl actress for that matter, but I have no idea how I feel about guys. Am I just late in developing feelings for guys? Do I like them somewhat. I think I would rather be one end of the spectrum than in the middle because liking both sexes seems like it would complicate things even more. know eventually time will work everything out, but it's so hard dealing with the now. I want an easy answer. I demand an easy answer!~and now whoever is up there who pulls the strings is laughing at me because we both no better. Even if I just did end of liking girls I still am confused. I crush on actresses like Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck) who are butch-ish, and am attracted to butch-looking girls, but I am most like a butch myself. I wrestle for school, wear guys clothes... And then sometimes I crush on total girls. Blark*annoyance*. Question: Since I am certifiably insane now and have a psychiatrist (I can't spell!) about my questioning- but there is the questions of her feelings about GLTBQ and if she would tell my Dad. I do want someone to talk with about it, but is it not a good idea when you are not positive about your orientation to talk to a shrink about it? This is semi-rhetorical so I won't feel bad if no one answers. I can always jush hash out my feeling here, while waiting them to decide, but there is that allure of having a flesh and blood person with advice.
and now im going to go stare at a couple more pictures of Katee Sackhoff as Starbuck and contemplate ;)