Today

Uncertain's picture

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jeff's picture

Umm...

Just to be clear, the "cool forum" you found... is the one you posted this on. Just seems weird to see it referred to as a separate thing, at least Jeff thinks so.

Also, I always felt the correct answer to "what would you do if someone called you gay?" is "Stop blowing them." Use at your own risk, though.

analyticallyinclined's picture

Hello and welcome

After reading your post, which has interested me, I've concluded that your mind is a sound sort. You seem to like to logically deduce things...am I wrong? Level headed, likes to plan things? Anyways That's just what I percieved from the way you wrote your first journal entry here.
I know that I've been having my societal "issues" concerning my sexuality for longer than you have, however I know just how terrible it can be. Like what you said about your friend asking you what you'd say if someone asked you if you were gay or not.
I'd say its really hard to keep your shield up, that is if you want to maintain your status as "ungay" from the community for a while, or time. Just recently I was having a splendid time in a class of mine, yearbook, and was giving something of a speach about what a "doushbag" was and then a teacher asked what the modern version of a doushbag was and I said vagisill (don't ask its a long story) and after all the fun and laughs of the silly stupid jokes one of the guys just pops out and says "Are you gay?" The smile was alsmost compleatly wiped from my face and I almost lost all my composure, it so totally caught me off guard. It can be a hazzard in my opinion to find yourself off guard.
The guy really meant it to, he couldn't keep his looking at me and he quickly averted his gaze and promptly turned red in the face.
Luckily due to some other activity that had happened between me and a girl I was with she said "no he coulnd't be gay because... wait never mind" and I yelled at her because I didn't want them to know what had gone on in the room. It was funny, but didn't have a need for others to know.
Anyways I guess my point is, besides hopefully telling you a little funny, is that I know its hard, and it seems like you know to. Just keep on keeping. Sometimes I think... why haven't I ever even thought about taking my life? sometimes I think it would just be so easy to end the troubles by ending the life in us, but the part of actually wanting and trying in any sense to end my life never comes. You've got to know that its important to live, no matter what, and it can be hard.
By no means am I usually inately happy with myself, but I manage, and I love that. Anyone can do it.
God!!! I feel like a freaking teacher or a stinking mentor.
I hope I haven't totally annoyed you, I can be a bit of a rambler.
Good luck, if you've made anything of this I hope you have!

Its the little things that make the big things.