attraction

sugarmagnolia's picture

i really need to stop being attracted to my best friend. this just isn't working out well. i'm pretty sure she's straight, but my stupid brain won't leave me alone. recently, this guy said he liked her, and she turned him down, but had been considering it at first. so this is how my brain works
*rational part* she's straight, she's just a friend, stop this nonsense
*irrational part* if she'd just move over a little bit so that she was leaning on me.... that'd be perfect, she's so pretty
*rational part* i said no, she's probably straight, and you haven't even come out to her yet, this isn't fair to her
*irrational* well, maybe she turned down the guy because she's secretly attracted to me, maybe she is gay but hasn't said anything

and so on.
it's been difficult. i want to tell her i'm gay, but every attempt has been thwarted. we'll be hanging out in my room, and just as i'm getting up the nerve, she's do something silly like hit me with a pillow. and then last night, i tried to get her to go for coffee with me, and just then our other friends stopped by to hang out and watch movies. and this weekend, she's off when i'm working, and vice verso, so we won't be seeing each other. eventually though.

getting over the attraction is the hardest part. i really want to do that but haven't been able to. last night, we were watching the movie, and she was sitting right next to me on the couch, and she shifted her weight and moved just close enough to brush my arm, so i spent a nice block of time unable to breath or form cohesive thought, with just chills running through me. this needs to end, i need to be able to function normally again. oh man. oh well.

Comments

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

wow thats like almost exactly

wow thats like almost exactly like my situation except she knows i love her....the whole brain fighting thing is like exactly what i do all the time but so far my rational part is winning

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*Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly*

chevamartin's picture

Chills. I know what you mean.

Chills. I know what you mean. The thing with me is..
I used to like this girl a little bit, but only for a short time. Like, I thought I must like her because every time she came near me or touched me, i got crazy chills. I still do, but I don't like, mentally like her anymore.. I don't like her in my brain but my body obviously does cause every time she comes close i get stupid cihlls. I really don't get it. But i'm messed up right now. I was so convinced i liked girls, and then i get a crush on a guy, my first one in about three years. And a girl at the same time. AND these weird chills. I'm so strange.

taste the rainbow's picture

happends to me too lol

the whole irrational and rational mind thing

"What they don't know can't hurt them

but it sure as hell can hurt me"

Duct Tape Fairy's picture

I can really relate

I can really relate- I have a crush on my best friend, and I am constantly having little internal debates about her in my head.
Good luck with your friend, I hope things settle down for you- because it's not fun at all.
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I'm crazy for crying and I'm crazy for trying and I'm crazy for loving you.
-Patsy Cline

rachel1987's picture

I FEEL that.

Exact same thing. We watched catwoman, me and my best friend, I just told her how I feel, only we both have MALE spouses. So that makes life a bit hard. I think its mostly sexual attraction. I have fantasies, and hopes, and such, and am so attracted to her, a hug makes me greatly happy, and somewhat arroused that her body was THAT close to mine, and she's so pretty/hot. But I did tell her, and to my dissapointment, she's straight, and would never be able to feel anything back. I now have to struggle on my own with this. I'm lucky she still accepted me for who I am, and loves me as a friend. :(