heres my promblem PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT

w8tin4life's picture

i love my girlfriend. it known by everone. but there is only really a couple things that makes us fight. one that doesnt really happen anymore because i know she has to leave but doesnt want to. but the other one kinda confuses me. before she realized she was gay she dated this guy and did everything that high schoolers do. sometimes i feel like ill never measure up to him. no matter how she tells me she loves me and i know she does. but the thing is that im not quite sure how to feel about it. she gets frustrated when i worry or compare myself with him. or what she did with him with what we do. but she always talks about how attractive some men are and it makes me bring up mike. am i just being stupid and jelous because he was with her? im pretty confident in the way i look and am, but i feel so much less then him. like shell never feel the way she talks about him. i dont think she realizes that she talks about him in this amazing light. could i ever come close? am i just being stupid? is my girlfriend bi? whats goiong on? ahhhhh help me


Jazzer's picture


I'm not sure that it matters if your girlfriend is bi or not at the moment. After all, she's with you, and that's all that matters, right?

If she comments on attractive guys, I'm not seeing that as a problem, either--just because she's dating you doesn't mean other people automatically aren't attractive to her.

Finally, don't try and measure up to the guy that she was with: you don't have a penis. It's foolish to try and be something that you're not. You are you, and nobody else. Your girlfriend obviously is into you or else she wouldn't go through the trouble of telling you how much she loves you and the like. She had a fling with a guy in her past--she's over it. You should get over it, too.


Some people's kids...I tell ya!

somethingofvalue's picture

Just be glad for the time you

Just be glad for the time you have and try not to dwell on the small stuff. You're together and you're healthy and that's what matters, right?


saweeeetttt's picture

I'm gay, I know I'm gay. I do

I'm gay, I know I'm gay. I don't think I talk about him in an "amazing light" im sorry if thats how it comes off I wont do it again. I love you and I never loved him. I'm not bi I just don't have any problem with acknowledging another man that is attractive. I love youuuu

jeff's picture


I'm a big proponent of focusing on what you have control over. You have a few options here.

First, only date people with no romantic pasts. Not a good way to go, and becomes much harder the older you get.

Second, try using communication in a relationship. Most of the ones that last seem to use this strategy.

Your entire post seems to be about how she talks about him, and says this, and says that. That's all fine. But the only thing we can work with here is you. What do you say to her about this? Does she know how you feel when she does it?

Also, if you date someone bi... they will still find the opposite sex hot. It doesn't really change all that much, straight guys still find other girls hot, gay guys still check out other gay guys, and on and on... what you need is the security in knowing that it doesn't matter, because she's with you, which seems to be something you're lacking.

The only way out of this is to talk with her, tell her how you feel, and go from there. I don't know if there is any gender residue issues in dating bisexual people... like, if I date a guy, and he had a previous guy, well, he has a new penis to work with and stops thinking about the old one. But, in some way, she's with you now but Mike is still her last penis, you know? Hard to erase the mental penis if you aren't bringing a new one to the table, perhaps.

But in any event, talking is the way out of this (and surprisingly EVERY) situation. And, if you are afraid to talk to her because it might be an issue that causes you to break up, that is usually a case of you subconsciously knowing that it is all on fragile footing to begin with.