I dont like me anymore

rainbowboi's picture

I think i kind of figured out part of the problem I'm having. I just don't really like who I am, so i get really depressed when I'm with friends, being someone who i dont like. That didn't really come out right, so it probably doesnt make much sense. I've just always liked who I was but now i dont. it's since i came out ive changed a lot and i hate it. i really do. it's like, one part of it is just that now i act gayer, which i think is just awful. its like im convincing myself im gay which i dont have to. i thinkn what it really all comes down to is that i want attention. and i dont know what to do. i dont even know how to say how i feel. this totally isnt making any sense...not even to me. i just hate being me and i don't like my personality anymore...i feel like im becoming a lot more distant from my friends and it bugs me how im excluded from everything. and i can see that some of my friends dont like who i am anymore and i totally understand why they wouldnt.i think i can also be so pissed/upset/depressed because my dad was around this whole week. im not out to him yet, and i think i felt really bad not telling him. it seems like so many of my problems are just subconcious things that i dont feel like i can control. i dont know if i can or not, maybe i just havent learned how to yet. i want someone to comfort me, but i just have no idea who...like i dont know if i want a girl or a guy. I just feeel like i dont want either and i havent for a while. im just going to blame it on the hormones...another issue is that i feel like i may have come out too soon, even though ive known i'm gay for over 2 years. i feel like my options are limited now or something. my mom's been saying,"well how do you know if you want a relationship with a guy if you havent had one with a girl or a guy," and it totally makes sense. its just that now i dont know if i can really have one with a girl because i already came out. i think im moving after this year though, so i guess ill be able to when i move. Whatever. anyone who got this far, thank you. like really. its so cool if you are actually nice enough to read all this crap that doesnt really matter to you. im not really looking for advice, i just have to get it all out of my system. thanks though.

Lowell

Comments

fishy_0123's picture

I used to be really confused

I used to be really confused like that but i didnt come out until i was certian i was bi. But whatever you might think you are you should feel very proud of it. I dont think that coming out means that you have to change your personality. anyways if any of this helps you thats great! I wish you lots of luck and I hope all goes well!!

what is 'normal'?

raining men's picture

Hate

I used to hate myself as well for about a year. You do get through it and accept that you are (as evil as that is) just human

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"