So here I am. Tonight no longer a chicken shit. I told her. I
told my mom that I'm gay. We were making dinner. Standing at
the stove. She was stirring her pot of pasta sides, and I was
stirring my pot of just pasta. My nerves have been so edgy
lately that I haven't been able to eat anything but plain pasta.
I don't know what we were talking about when it all started, but
she has asked me, "Have you ever been asked if you were gay? I mean
you're turning what, 19? next week, and you don't have a boyfriend.
You have a boy friend, but not a boyfriend." I didn't answer. I
walked my butt back to the computer and told my friend, Cera what
she had just asked me. Cera told me, "Well, maybe now would be a
good time to bring it up." I said, "You think?" Then she said something
along the lines of casually telling her something or another. I
don't really remember what. So I told Cera that I'd do my best.
And I'll message her back as soon as it's over.
I walked back over to the stove, stirred my pasta a little more.
"Mom, can I talk to you about something? Well, you know how you just
asked me if I've ever been asked if I were gay, I have. But that's
because I am."
She looked at me and said, "I don't think you are."
Ouch. Burn. That felt grand. Then I tried to explain it.
"I have no sexual feelings for guys, Mom. There's nothing there. I knew
it after Adam came last time. Having him come was a personal test."
She didn't really understand. But she said that if I am there's nothing
she can do about it, and she loves me, and it doesn't matter. Ofcourse,
the above conversation is just a part of what all was said, but we get
the drift. She's been quiet since. It's kind of weird. But I feel better
now that I told her. I might actually be able to sleep at night now.
I'll keep you posted on what happens in the future. I think I might take
my friend Tina's advice and go to the local gay alliance at the campus
in town. It'll be weird, but she said she'll go wth me. I don't know,
right now, I just want to go do something. I can't sit at home right now.
I've got to let you go now, phone call. Crazy sister in law. Have fun.