Need advice

hellonwheels's picture

I need some help. I am new to this site, so I don't know anyone on here yet. I have kind of a weird situation.
First off, I am still slightly confused as to my s/o although I am pretty sure I am gay. I sort of came out to my mom a few weeks ago, by telling her that I was bi and I don't know whether I should tell her that I am gay or not.
I know that my mom would be okay with it either way, because she has several gay and or lesbian relatives, and she is okay with all of them.
I am worried about my dad, though. He is a very conservative guy. And, on top of him being an anti-homo, extremely religious guy, he is insane. Literally. he is bi-polar, schizophrenic and multiple personalities as well as post-traumatic stress syndrome. I am concerned that if I were to come out, his reaction would not be a good one. He has told me many times in my life that if he ever found out that I was a " cock-sucking, faggot" and shit like that, that he would kill me. I think that is a very serious possibility if I were to come out. At the very least, my father would disown me.

Should I come out to my mom, if no one else, or have I already done that by telling her that I am bi? Any advice that anyone could give me would be appreciated. Thanks.

Sesshoumaru s male lover's picture

Don't come out as Bi if you a

Don't come out as Bi if you arn't bi. It feeds more into BIphobia if you do. leave us legmite BIs alone
"Here's Johnny" - Jack Nickelson, The Shineing

hellonwheels's picture

ur comment

how is it spreading biphobia if I'm not sure? I'm kinda in between bi and gay and I guess I'm still figuring it all out.

Sesshoumaru s male lover's picture

Because most gays belvie that

Because most gays belvie that we haven't fully exceted ourselfs.
"Here's Johnny" - Jack Nickelson, The Shineing

Kang Lin's picture

Anyone with two brain cells t

Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can quite easily work out that not all bisexuals are gays waiting to happen (and face it, that'd be nothing to hate even if they were) and that close relatives who initially came out as bi were doing it to soften the blow for them (i.e. "Yes, I like my own gender too, but I can still give you grandchildren, so don't worry"). Like it or not, coming out as bisexual has always been a comfortab;e half-way house to test the water with. If you're going to make such illogical claims, maybe bisexuals should stop portraying themselves as normal so that coming out as gay is no different from coming out as bisexual and we can all endure the same hatred.

Patch's picture

First off, let me tell you a

First off, let me tell you a definite. . .

DON'T come out to your dad until you live in a seperate domicile. Any threats like that must not be ignored

As for your mother, tell her you aren't sure where you are, but you would appreciate her love and support during this time of confusion for you. I beleive she will like that and will follow through.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

hellonwheels's picture

your reply

thanks for the advice. I think I kinda already told her I wasn't really sure where I was in terms of bi or gay. Thanks for the reply.

Patch's picture

If you ever need to talk to s

If you ever need to talk to someone who knows what it is like to come out to everyone he knows, you can talk to me.

"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."

Duct Tape Fairy's picture

Be safe!

If you are certain your mom would support you, then it might be nice to have someone to talk to about it. However, if you have any incling that she might tell your father, then don't tell her. Just be sure you are safe (and away from your father) before you come out completely. I bet that since your mom is ok with you being bi, she'd probably be ok if you said you were gay, but that's just my guess.
So- good luck.
I'm crazy for crying and I'm crazy for trying and I'm crazy for loving you.
-Patsy Cline

Cleopatra's picture

why do you need to come out t

why do you need to come out to your dad in the first place? if you are bothered that your parents dont know that ur a bi or gay, then do so.. but if i were you i wont... im not being a devil's advocate or something, but i dont see the point of letting them know that you're gay...but dont just follow what ive posted here, you have to weigh the pros and cons of coming out..okay? i hope that helps...

you have to take risks...we will only understand the miracle of life fully if we allow the unexpected to happen- paulo coelho

rowie's picture


speak to your mum about it and explain you think you are still unsure if you are gay or bi - you've sorted one sex, its just the other you need to figure out. she'll understand.
on some level, your dad has suspicions, or else he wouldnt have said that to you. but if him suspecting even slightly led to that reaction, then cominhg out to him is not a good move. if i were you id wait until i was older and in a safer situation - dont put yourself in any danger.
and dont worry about coming out as bi first - anyone ignorant enough to be biphobic or homophobic doesnt bother with reasons or evidence - their prejudice is based purely on fear.

+ if i cant be a good example ill just have to be a horrible warning +

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

somethingofvalue's picture

Talk to your Mom about wantin

Talk to your Mom about wanting to tell your Dad. But from the way it sounds it might not go over well. Good luck! And maybe wait awhile to tell your Mom that you're gay? Then she won't think it's a phase or something (that's what my Mom thought and she STILL thinks I'm just bisexual with a preference for women)


tyson's picture

im kinda in the same boat dud

im kinda in the same boat dude, i havnt told my mom but i think she kinda knows cause i never really had any friends that were dudes, i hang out with chicks, my dad is a homopob and he is not so religious but he thinks that if im not like him i am not "normal" but ya, i remember one day he told me that he didnt want me to be not normal and i said i wasnt and he is like normal guy and gurl not guy and guy and i looked at him and told him i wasnt gay witch i bold faced lied and felt like i just ate a bucket of sand or somthign cuase i have gay pride i just dont want him to kill me, i think he would disown me and or really hurt me in the way that he would beat me till i was straight witch would be never. im as afraid as u are dude.

Homopbobia - Personal Insecurity of your sexuality.

twoLAguys's picture

telling you Mom


If you feel you need her support, then consider telling her.

If you could tell some freinds - or make some new friends (away from your current friends) who know your bi or gay. Develop a support group away from your parents.