For the past four weeks or so I have been aimlessly wandering my mind trying to find the words to tell you this. I still haven’t found my verbal words, but my written words have come to form into something that makes sense to myself, and hopefully to you also. What I need to tell you is a life changing decision that I opted onto myself. I could sit in a lie for the next 30, 40, 50 years, but I can’t do that to you or myself. This has always been there, I have now realized I cannot hide this part of my life. It’s not fair to myself, it’s not fair to anyone I socialize with. Hiding behind a wall of false identities and realizations is not what I want. It’s not what I had in mind. I am being who I want to be. Under no fault of yours, or anyone else’s. The truth has come free from the depth of my heart.
I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to be open and honest with you, but I have heard your opinions on the subject at hand, many times. Mom, I know you have always said that you would never care or treat your children different if they were gay. And up until about two months ago, I believed it. Until that one night at the dinner table when you said, “I know you’re not schwul.