Ok I have so much emotion running through me right now, I think I need to write it down. Timmy came over tonight and we hung out at my place for a bit.. we decided to go and take photos of the freeway from the bridge down my street. Gorgeous night, but just a bit windy but the blue glow coming from the freeway lights were awesome.. Yes we did the immature thing and tried to spit on the cars going past.
So it was getting late and I had to drive Tim to the train station so he could get home. His train wasn't coming for 15 minutes so I said I'd wait with him. We just sat in the car.. and I knew what was going to happen next so I started to make some bullshit conversation about the place down the street being a brothel. I could tell he wasn't listening and knew that my distraction skills weren't distracting enough. It took him a while to get it out but he finally asked if "we could be more than friends". I felt like shit when he said it because I knew that I had to tell him that I didn't feel the same way. He was hurt but he hid it well and kept on sayin it was ok. I reassured him many times that he had balls to tell me this because in my mind I thought how hard it would've been to keep a something to yourself for a long time. He said he didn't feel like he was brave since it took him 4 years to say it. . Jesus, I've kept my feeling for girls to myself since I was 12 and now I'm almost 19. Yeah you would've thought after him putting his feelings on the line right then, that I would do the same and come out to him. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't.
And that's why I cried while I was driving home from the station. I wish there was some dramatic acoustic song playin on the radio instead of friday night house music tho, it would have made the moment much more cliche. I guess it was just all these built up emotions through the year that were triggered by tonight. Just everything was running through my mind and it was weird.