I keep having these fantasies right? Not the sexual kind mind you.
The hopeful kind, about the future ya know?
There’s this freshman boy that I’ve mentioned in several previous entries.
Well I think he’s out of my league and all the goes on with someone being out
Of your league. Even if he’s gay. Which I just can’t believe he is.
Still though, I can’t help but like it when I talk with him, or when I see him,
When I see him seeing me. Things like this make me, dare I say ,feel happy?
I’ll go with the flow of feeling happy, everyone deserves the right to fell happy,
Even me, yes. Correct me if I am wrong.
But when I think of everything I think about. How I just like it when I get to talk to
Him. The times I go over and over in my head about what we talked about when
We did. Or when I think about the possibilities of us talking or being in the future.
Yes even when I think of the times where I feel I’ve been dissed by him on MSN.
I still think happy and hopeful about it in general. I find that so wrong. I do.
I’ve heard that feelings of hopefulness and fantasies that occur in general towards
Things of such are good, and promising. But I just keep thinking like me. Cynically.
Can anyone tell me why its such a good thing to think and fantasize about something
Or someone your never ever even going to have? Or even be compatible with?
I can’t help it. Like me, it seems I’m more than just one thing. Even though I’m driven
To be one thing or the other. I keep thinking,. Boys!
Why can’t I quit thinking of them?
When another freshman cutie came out of nowhere into my work environment today,
Looking for his sister who works where I do. The way he gave that waving hi. The way
He had that smile on his face that made it seem like him finding me there was something
That caused within him a source of, it seemed, embarrassment? But that smile! It was so damn
Cute! The way it seemed he couldn’t look at me with ease.
The way I miss chatting with someone I met from this site, even though I don’t know the
Person in real life, I’m guilty of the act of missing chatting with him.
Or what about the way, that I think of how I will meet someone out there for me?
Ya know…that feeling we all, I hope, have about that person whose out there waiting
Just for us. That person we just don’t know about yet. What about how I keep thinking
Of that invisible, ever far away, so hard to see and feel person? What about him?
Does the fact that I can’t quit thinking that I need SOMEONE to live right count?
Does the fact that every time something so minuscule as talking to one cute boy and me
Feeling…..so??…GOOD about it count? What about how I am always telling myself
Not to fantasize about talking with a boy I like because I know he won’t talk to me, that
I’ll just be let down again by someone…does that count???
So please…am I a hopeless romantic? What am I?