Fork In The Road

saves_the_day's picture

The journey to find your true self is one of many bumps and
forks in the road. You take the wrong one, and you may feel
that at the moment it was the right one. You take the one
that feels as if it could be the right one, and it ends up being
the wrong one. How do you choose which one will take you down
the path that will bring happy endings? Flip a coin? Roll a die?
Sleep on it? Let your heart or brain answer it for you?

I suppose what I'm trying to get at is that a little over a
week ago I came out to my mom. Not since then has she asked me
about it. Do I bring it up again? She asked the ridiculous question
of, "Have you ever been asked if you were gay?" And I answered
her, truthfully and honestly. It wasn't the answer she was expecting,
I can tell you that right now. What the hell do I do about it???

Why doesn't she believe me when I say that I am a lesbian? Is it
that unbelievable? This is my fork in the road. Was it the correct
path that I took when it came to telling her? Or did I take the
one that I thought was correct at the time?

Since I've come out to her I have gotten my appetite back and I can
sort of sleep at night. I was good for about three days with the
whole sleeping during the night, now it's back to going to bed at
3AM.

My happiness, it's been through the roof. I haven't had a
single depressing thought since I told her, which is pretty damn
amazing. I've also been getting together with my friends, so that
helps out a lot. Unfortunately, I've been a little irritable and
snappy with pretty much everyone. That's probably why I like being
in my depressed state so much, I'm laid back and keep to myself
then.

I don't know what to do with myself these days. Sometimes I just want
to scream. Which isn't new. Maybe I'll try to get some sleep tonight.
But that's probably not going to happen. My bordum has been so bad these
last few days that I've actually noticed that the stupid Christmas
tree leans forward. And I've actually tried to fix it, but it keeps
leaning back to where it was. Stupid artifical trees.

Comments

devildog's picture

You're right, finding yoursel

You're right, finding yourself is so tricky. I've been through my own maze, and am still going at it.

Well, maybe you should try directing the conversation in a way that'll bring up your sexuality, since it definetely does seem like you're mom's avoiding the whole issue. Or maybe you could be the supportive daughter and say, "I know this must be hard for you..." and maybe give her some helpful books or articles and such. Or you could just be blunt and say, "So, Mom, I'm still a lesbian here." ...but I wouldn't recomend that one.

Anyways, I hope things get easier, and at least you're feeling better!

~sam
~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m not as sad as Doestoevsky,
I’m not as clever as Mark Twain,
I’ll only buy a book for the way it looks,
And I'll stick it on the shelf again.
-Belle and Sebastian