Okay, so my last couple days have been like a living hell.
Adam is still here. My countdown for the day he leaves is
already in progress...12 days and counting. *please let it
come soon!* I'm seriously annoyed with the boy. Great friend,
but more than that I definately 100% know I don't have for
him. Thank God!
I pull away from him EVERY SINGLE time he touches me. He puts
a hand on my shoulder I slump down like a little kid who just
got yelled at. He pokes me, I tense up. He tries to hold my
hand, I pull it away. We all do it when we don't like someone
or don't like it that they're touching us and we all figure
it out when someone does that to us, but he just doesn't get
Shit, fuck, God damn it all to hell. I want to poke my eyeballs
out right about now! I can't tell him I'm gay. I just can't. I
mean then I wouldn't have to try to say, "Shit happens" every
time he asks me why I pull away. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Alright, that's enough of that. On the lighter side of things,
I came out to my sister in law today. Which pretty much means
that I came out to my brother also because I know she's probably
already told him what I told her today.
She called me and did some chitchatting. Then she brough up my
myspace site. I had posted the "We Are The Originals" on my blog,
the only thing I'll pretty much ever post on there will be poems.
But anyways, one of the first thing out of her mouth was, "What's
up with that gay thing on your myspace?"
I kind of froze again, because that's what I'm good at, plus Adam
was sitting right next to me. So I went into the bathroom to talk
her: Toad are you a lesbian? (She calls me Toad)
me: Would you care if I were?
her: Seriously, are you? I mean, my baby (my brother) pretty much
said the same thing, he said 'if she were a guy I'd kick her ass,
but since she's not I don't give a shit what she does and neither
should you.' But Toad, are you a lesbian? Because if you were, I
wouldn't care. You know that. But I would make a lot of jokes about
me: Well, I guess you'll have to start on those jokes now because I
her: ARE YOU SERIOUS! Oh my God!
Then we chitchatted some more. She wanted to ask me more questions,
but she had to get back to work. I wasn't planning on telling her,
but when she asked I couldn't hide it. I didn't want to lie. But one
thing she did say cracked me up. When I told her yes, she said, "You
know I kind of figured that about you since you were like 2 years old."
I just laughed at her and told her, "Okay, because you knew me when I
Another funny thing that happend includes Sam. She told me that if
Adam got on my nerves too much I can use her as a backdrop. I can
tell Adam that the reason why she calls so much and hangs around so
much is because she's gay and she's my girlfriend. Now you know you
got great friends if they're willing to cover for you that much. It
totally goes against everything she is, but she'd do it for me. And
if worse comes to worse, I will take her up on her word and use that.
I hope that I don't have to though.
Anywho, I feel better now that I got my anger out. I'm glad to have a
night to myself for once since Saturday. I just hope these next 12,
well, now 11days since it's after Midnight, go by super fast. Still
crossing my fingers.