Hi, I'm new in this forum and I need help...

ismah_19's picture

Well.. I'm new in this place and I'm glad I found it. Cause sometimes you need to talk to people who can actually understand what you're going trough. I'm in college, I'm 19 and somehow I'm so afraid that I've not lived my life... I'm really scared of waking up in the future, when I'm 25 and regret of all the things I'm doing now. I found out i liked boys when I was 13, i fell for a boy, and this crush lasted... well i still feel something for him, he's two years older than me, the funny thing is that i never came out to him, he's an asshole... and he's gay too. I could write a whole book about our "friendship" and still it wouldn't be enough so just believe me when i tell you that it has lasted way too much more time than it should have, and seriously he's a total asshole.
I really love my family, you have no idea, but I know that the day i come out to my parents, I will no longer be their son, and knowing that hurts a lot. as for my sister, well, she'll understand, we're really close but she's too young, only 13. I study 400 miles away from home, i've been at school for 18 months now, and since i arrived, i fell for a boy, we were friends, i was almost certain there was something else... but i was wrong, after last summer, when i went back to school i talked to him and he told me he coldn't go to the movies with me next day cause he and his girlfriend were going to celebrate their first two months, my hart got broken just like that,in a second. I do good at school, I've the best friends and still I feel so lonely. I have only come out to 4 of my best friends, all girls. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to have a girlfriend, that'd be easy, but then my whole world would collapse, i'm sort of confused... don't actually know for sure how i feel, they're just ideas but...

well, there it is, pretty much a picture of my gray life, i hope you can give me an advice, i would really appreciate it.

thanks

Barralai's picture

your 19, get involved, look f

your 19, get involved, look for a local PFLAG group and go their, thats a great place to pick up guys, also check if your school has a CDA, i mean GSA, sorry long time i mean day whatever meet people, gay guys dont bite (unless you ask them too, but if you asked me i'd still say not i am not into that whole biting thing, but if your are its "normal", i guess, yeah just dont use your teeth and you should be fine
--------------------------
"The American Dental Assoc says semen cuts plaque and tartar
by 77%%, Suck a Dick, and Save a Smile!"

jeff's picture

Easy advice...

Stop worrying about any lost time, things you could have done differently, etc. It's over, choices were made. Move on.

Every moment you spend questioning your past isn't spent doing something useful with your present.

You also can't control other people. If you're gay, and your parents abandon you, then your parents abandon you. Just read the construction of that sentence, THEY are abandoning YOU. If you cannot prevent people from leaving your life because you tell them the truth, they are always better off gone. A lot of times, parents will come around more than you think, though.

Just stop living your life for other people and with regrets, and the rest will dictate itself.