'how to be a lesbian'

Ema_lxl's picture

ive got this straight male friend and its a running joke that he's a lesbian (the L word fans will know where im comming form)
anyway 4 xmas im making him a little booklet on 'How to be a lesbian'
just woundering if anyone has any ideas of what i can write? they can be as silly as you like.
thanks for your help.

xxxxx
xxxxx

rowie's picture

lol, you should post it here

lol, you should post it here when you are done. are you looking for things like stereotypes or what? i.e. flannel shirt, big boots and a sexy girl on his arm?

+ if i cant be a good example ill just have to be a horrible warning +

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

Inkblot's picture

Ok.....

How to be a lesbian:

1. Drool during women's underwear comercials

2. Ignore typical girl talk about hot guys

3. Hit on your female friends (extra points for including the world "closet" in every innuendo)

4. Quote Sappho

5. Stare at hot chicks

That's all I can think of at the moment.

sugarmagnolia's picture

-watch lesbian comedians (ex:

-watch lesbian comedians (ex: ellen, elvira kurt)
-throughly agree when straight women talk about bashing males

"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

devildog's picture

-Wishing you could be Paris H

-Wishing you could be Paris Hilton's latest puppy (I'm ashamed to say it, but she is hot...even though she is shallow!)

-Being a feminist burkenstock (sp?) wearing activist

-Having a bunch of lesbian literature under your bed

-Thinking the island of Lesbos would be paradise

-Knowing why guys love breasts so much:)

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m not as sad as Doestoevsky,
I’m not as clever as Mark Twain,
I’ll only buy a book for the way it looks,
And I'll stick it on the shelf again.
-Belle and Sebastian

sugarmagnolia's picture

definately with the feminist

definately with the feminist activist thing... i've got that one covered;)

"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

NovaCat's picture

Birkenstocks. Though they st

Birkenstocks. Though they stopped being "hippie shoes" and "feminist shoes" long ago . . . they're kind of the trendy thing to wear nowadays. At least, they are in the south. In Ohio, no one wears them because, for one, it's fucking cold outside right now.

Sorority_Girl's picture

I *heart* Birkenstocks :)

I *heart* Birkenstocks :)

Cleopatra's picture

as far as my memory serves me

as far as my memory serves me right, a lesbian is a woman whose interest is in women..how can a guy be a lesbian? or maybe what you're trying to say is he's a gay? anyway, either waY, you can include this in your booklet: crush on the same sex! haha! hope that helps! merry christmas!

you have to take risks...we will only understand the miracle of life fully if we allow the unexpected to happen- paulo coelho

Kang Lin's picture

Heh =)

As long as it doesn't get offensive (which it could do, so keep it light hearted), you could perhaps have a little paragraph about each type of stereotypical lesbian - butch, etc. I can't remember them off the top of my head since I'm not one for stereotypes, but most satyrical books about different cultures have a section detailing the nuances of each "faction" (for lack of a better word).

Sorority_Girl's picture

stereo types....

I dont think some people get your friends joke. I think it's funny so I'll state the obvious.. he's claiming to be a lesbian because he likes women. OBVIOUSLY he's not a lesbian.. he's just being funny.

so there are some crappy stereotypes about lesbians, but they're pretty funny if you can handle that sort of thing and not be offended.

Lots of flannel, a mullet, and a U-Haul

Some people dont get the U-Haul so I'll explain for those that don't: Becuase there is the stereo type that lesbians move from girlfriend to girlfriend, and supposedly lesbians move in with each other shortly after starting a relationship, U-Hauls became the butt end of a lot of lesbian jokes.

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Um

Thanks for explaining that U-Haul thing. I feel dumb but... I never got it. good to know.

somethingofvalue's picture

I'm going to state a couple o

I'm going to state a couple obvious ones...
-DOC MARTENS!
-Flannel lumberjack shirts (red plaid, maybe?)

~Kry

rowie's picture

lol

mine is yellow pandora!

+ if i cant be a good example ill just have to be a horrible warning +

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

Chizuna san's picture

femmes

to add to pandora's suggestion, for the femmes out there, a cute lil plaid flannel miniskirt should get your point across nicely

devildog's picture

LOL, I own something exactly

LOL, I own something exactly like that!

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m not as sad as Doestoevsky,
I’m not as clever as Mark Twain,
I’ll only buy a book for the way it looks,
And I'll stick it on the shelf again.
-Belle and Sebastian

rowie's picture

i own one too devildog, and t

i own one too devildog, and the shirt, geez and doc martins...am i unintentionally turning into a stereotype...

+ if i cant be a good example ill just have to be a horrible warning +

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

Inkblot's picture

heh heh

Don't worry, I'm a full blown drag king. I don't have a mullet though.

devildog's picture

Did you ever see the episode

Did you ever see the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte is photographed as a drag king? That was very hot...lol

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m not as sad as Doestoevsky,
I’m not as clever as Mark Twain,
I’ll only buy a book for the way it looks,
And I'll stick it on the shelf again.
-Belle and Sebastian

Inkblot's picture

nope

I don't watch TV, and my mom would kill me for watching that. The wonderful girl I'm in love with sometimes wears guy's clothes, and she is so goddessdamn sexy. Of couse, she's always sexy. Blah, I got off on a tangent. Sorry!

Duncan's picture

funny.

"How to be a lesbian!" I love it! I'd probablty mention how to recognise a lesbian, and include a long list of random traits. [If he says "that's just like a normal girl," or something, just sit back and laugh.]