i am sane.
i am normal, reasonably, not quite, or does it even exist?
and im coming to these conclusions now.
and i can be such a bitch.
and i realized I curse, when it is unnecessary, and i find that so unattractive, yet, i do it.
i try to like myself, im really trying, i do like myself, but its leaving stomach holes.
and now theres the whole im-losing-jessi thing, who is my best friend for the past two years and i love her so much, she is my best friend
and im losing her.
and that really really saddens me.
and then i think about all my old friends from last year and how they never talk to me anymore, and hey, remember me, i was the one who got in the middle of you guys when you were fighting and felt like someone was stealing your best friend from you.
so i guess they dont need me for that anymore. im going to see them tomorrow, and they will be happy, but maura didnt invite me to her party, and doesnt that sound juvenile, but i miss people.
i miss people so much.
i dont know if the people at my new school really love me like they say they do, and maybe they do...
but i miss jessi.
thats the only person i need to fill the holes, because she is the coolest person i know.
its that unconditional love thing, i think.
i dont hate anyone. i keep anger away, but i am still horrible to people.
i hate that.
oh god, sigh.
and i tried to watch buffy to maybe, you know, cheer me up, but it just made me sad.
see, big sigh.
but ill try to smile.