Shy love

the mouse that roared's picture

At the start of huge contra dance last night, I saw a girl sitting out a dance, just watching the teen line spin by, and smiling. She had short--almost buzz-cut--red hair, and silver dangly earrings, and I fell for her instantly. I spun by her in the arms of whatever guy friend I was dancing with, unable to stop thinking about her, telling myself I had to dance the next dance with her. Another guy friend asked me to dance when he was spinning me around, and, well, he's a good dancer and a good guy, so I didn't refuse.

Though I danced with more girls than guys that night, I never danced with her, never even passed her by in the line. I saw her pair up with some of her girlfriends over and over, and I mean, I had never met her, never introduced myself, and who would whisk some random girl who might even be straight off to dance unless they had--cough--indecent intentions? Once I saw her standing around at the end of a dance, looking--slumped--for a partner to dance the next one, and oh she was so beautiful, oh I wanted to fall into her arms. But someone else asked her before I could work up the courage for the offhand, apologetic, "Want to dance?" that must be from girl-stranger to girl-stranger if you do not know her, if you do not know if she is straight.

I had forgotten all about the straight crush on my used-to-be-close (until I stopped talking to her because I loved her too much) friend, the friend who was wearing a bosomy shirt and looking gorgeous in her own bohemian, thrown-together way. I was elated, in another world, in love with a complete stranger.

A stranger who I couldn't bring myself to meet, a stranger who will go filed along with all those other girls who I never pursued, who maybe I liked them or maybe they liked me, or maybe we both might have liked each other if only I gave her a chance. Because who wants to admit they are sexual when they are afraid no one will think they are beautiful, who wants to burden anyone else with their growing, confused selves?


ACCgirl's picture

ah, great description

That was very interesting - very easy to relate to. I felt like I was there at the dance, staring at you who was staring at the beautiful short-haired girl.

Don't beat yourself up too much about not dancing with her or introducing yourself. There will be others equally fascinating and equally beautiful. When courage enough has gathered in you, they'll be there waiting. They always are. :)