Advice from Luke

OasisOut's picture

Major Madness's Coming Out Story Of Doom And Peril
Or, Luke Williams's Excellent Adventure

Ok, let's get the obligatory introduction out of the way. My name is Luke. I'm a 17 year old from Spring Texas. The town is an affordable (read: cheap) suburb of Houston. It figures I'd end up being born JUST out of reach of one of the largest gay ghettos in America. The Montrose neighborhood, the geographic center of Houston, has progressed much like San Francisco has. In the 1960s, it was a haven for hippies and radicals. Then, the straight ones settled with families and the gay ones remained. Now, young gay boys fresh out of college or high school (and even a few runaways) can find cheap housing, a good job, and a man there.

Anyways, I never really knew I was gay until I heard about Montrose in the 6th grade. I was facinated enough by the fact that men liked other men, but that there was a hub where they all lived in my town was incredible. I wasn't sure why, but after that, I digested every bit of news about gay people I could. Every time I heard anything relating to gayness would be involved, I was interested.

I took this as simply intellectual curiosity until 9th grade, when I caught myself staring at the incredibly hot guys in my PE class as they changed. I began jerking off while I though about boys soon after and realized that it was a much better feeling then when I jerked off and thought about girls. After all, vaginas seemed disgusting to me with all their skin folds and juices and such. Boobs are ok, but they end up just being like those cool pillows they sell at Linens and Things that all your friends own. You know those sweet bean-bag like pillows you like playing with? That's what I think of boobs. Pillows. Anyways... I decided I was gay.

I guess there were hints of my budding queerness in my younger years. Sometime around 5th grade, I remember going to a sleepover with two of my friends (they were twins) and looking at a bunch of Playboys. None of them really caught my interest. Then we found a Hustler. There was one picture with a girl squatting by a pool and a man, standing behind her and submurged up to his mid-theigh, was about to ram a huge penis into her. The picture took my breath away. When the twins grimmaced and quickly changed the picture, I told them to go back. "No way!" they said, "Besides, you couldn't even see her boobs!"

Anyways, in 9th grade, it was done. I was decided. One problem. I didn't want to come out looking like I did. I never got much into sports and the result was my husky build. I decided I wanted to look ok when I came out (after all, maybe some other gay boys went to my small Catholic school!), so I began working out sparingly. I trimmed a few pounds and looked much better, but lack of motivation kept me from loosing all of the excess weight.

"Oh well," I thought. "I'm going to tell my brother first. He seems pretty cool about it." I sat my brother down sometime in the fall of my 10th grade year and told him virtually the entire history of gayness ("Did you know that some guys like guys the way most guys like girls?"). Then, there was a pause and he said, "You're gay." I was taken aback, but I confirmed his suspicion. He was totally cool with it. He attributed his acceptance of gays to the fact that he was a huge Nirvana fan, which made sense.

Anyways, I still wasn't comfortable with coming out to kids at school or my parents, so I decided to look for love in all the wrong places: online. I browsed IM chatrooms and found the gay room. I wasn't naive, so I knew what the people would be discussing. I entered and chatted it up with many guys, often guys several years my senior. I have a thing for guys anywhere from 14-40. It's a wide spectrum, I know, and most people prefer people their own age (I'm 17, so I guess 14-20 would be my range), but I've always liked the concept of having a "daddy."

Anyways, then came the fateful day that I met one boy my age on IM. I was 16 and he was 17, and a year above me in school. We got to chatting and found out that we were both from Texas. I asked what city he lived in and he said Houston. I was already a bit shocked, then he replied quickly and said, "Well, actually Spring." I typed back, "No way. I live in Spring too." He didn't believe me, but after we quizzed eachother about the area a bit, we figured out that we lived about five minutes away by car.

I'm not sure if a legitimate interest in eachother sparked our relationship or our proximity did, but Lord knows we hit it off. We called eachother every day for a long time. Then, we finally agreed to meet. The agreed-upon location was a small drink stand called Tapioca Paradise. I arrived first and waited for about 10 minutes, then another boy walked in. My God he was amazing. He was about an inch shorter than me and much thinner (I don't like muscular guys, but lightly-toned bodies drive me crazy.). He was black and had on a great outfit that complimented his physical features very well. He looked at me and asked, "Are you Luke?" I instantly recognized teh voice from the phone.

Anyways, in Tapioca Paradise, we really hit it off. After about an hour of talking, he excused himself to the bathroom. I said I'd wait for him and he said, "No, come with me." with a little wink. So, we went into the bathroom and took a stall. That's the story of my first blowjob.

But this isn't about that. This is about me coming out. When I got home, my parents asked where I was. I said I was out at my friend Zack's house. Whoops. They said Zack had called for me while I was gone. My parents asked the truth. I was out of lies and feeling no pain after my first gay sexual ezperience. I told them I was with my girlfriend. Yes, yes. It's true. I sold out. I said that I was embarrassed to bring her by the house because I didn't want them to reject her. Well, parents bought it too well. They said that I could have her over any time I wanted. Then, after a month and I didn't invite "her" over, my parents asked if we were still going out. I said no, that she had dumped me. They said they were sorry and that they hoped I would be over it soon.

So, in a roundabout way, I was pushed back in the closet. I decided to put off coming out until after high school. Just better that way, in my opinion. It'll give me time to adjust to life as a gay man better and more fully so I'll be ready for the barrage of quesitons I'll get coming out to my family. Until then, I'm comfortable with my brother and on-and-off boyfriend knowing my secret, and I don't feel like I need to tell many others.

Your Lord and Master,
Luke Williams


RainbowTime's picture

i had a similar plan

when i was 15 only 2 people knew i was gay my brother and my first gay crush who i was over by now were still friends but i had another crush on a girl AJ after completly randomly kissing her at my house and she kissed me the next day she was also a lesbian but we agreed to until we came out together at we had boyfriends but if they ask we were at each others house they found out we were lying and we never told them the truth but at abbys sweet 16 me and AJ hooked up in AJs room her sister found out then our mums found out and kicked us out long story short ours failed

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies