Advice, please?

tdog89's picture

This is my very first post here, although I've come across this website several times, the urge to join this community has never even begun to cross my mind, but I'm currently in a position where I feel as though I need assistance. This is the only gay youth website I've seen where there appears to be a community that is willing to aid an individual with their problems, which I hope is true.

I'm currently in a relationship with a truly sweet girl, but I've begun to deal with the fact that I'm a homosexual. However, I've continued to allow the relationship to grow and now I'm not sure what to do..I don't want to hurt her.

Please, help?

my heart it pitter patters's picture

don't lead her on, it's unfai

don't lead her on, it's unfair and will end up being more painful than if you break it to her, don't lie, it's also unfair, basically your only choice is to tell the truth. it sucks, but there's really no way around it. she will be hurt, but it's better than the alternative, for both of you. good luck <3

once time is lit, it will burn whether or not you're breathing it in. even after smoke becomes air there is the memory of smoke. -david levithan

adbak's picture

My Heart hit it on the head.

My Heart hit it on the head. You have to tell her the truth sooner than later. It may hurt now, but it'll hurt much more later on.

Good luck!

Barralai's picture

Let yourself slowly drift apa

Let yourself slowly drift apart...
For sure dotn dump it on her all at once.
A couple of quick questions tho about it.

1. How old are you (both?)
2. Where do you live (so we (I) can get a sense of how conservative the area live in is (and how conservative she is)
3. Have you had sex (This is a hard one to answer, but for sure stop if are, and you havent, don't start :P

The Incredible Barralai!

tdog89's picture

Thank You.

Well, we're both currently sixteen though she's a few months older than I am.

We live in Pennsylvania, and the area is overall conservative -- or perhaps a better term would be closed-minded.

We have not engaged in sexual intercourse, although we have certainly come close and we're coming closer each day.

Thanks to both who responded, I greatly appreciate it.

Allie's picture

break up

Hey - I have to say that trying to slowly "drift apart" might not be the best idea. I know I have been very hurt in the past by friends trying to drif apart, and I can't imagine if I had a girlfriend who did that to me. She's probably going to be hurt no matter what, but possibly it'll hurt less if you can a)tell her your gay so she knows it isn't that you don't like her at all, and b) why not try and still be friends? It sounds as though you like her, just not romantically.

twitch's picture

Don't slowly drift apart - my

Don't slowly drift apart - my friend had that happen to her, and when she found out, she was upset - whereas if he had told her, she would've ben fine. Privately confide in her- tell her your concerns, and that you don't want to hurt her, so you've got to break up so you can find out who you really are. and if you are, in fact, gay. Hopefully she'll be understading. and the hurt you may cause by the breakup is nowhere near the hurt you'll cause by continuing to pretend.

~ A Tiger in a Cage + Never Sees the Sun ~

rainbowboi's picture

First I'll say welcome to Oas

First I'll say welcome to Oasis. I hope you stay. And about your answer might not be that good, but in Rainbow Boys this happens to one of the main characters. He has a girlfriend and he does love her, but he realizes that he woudl rather be with a guy and that he's gay. I don't think he really did it the right way though...he kind of started drifting away and showed that he wasnt as interested in her but whenever she asked what was wrong he wouldnt tell her. Then when she found out he was gay she was hella pissed. I'd read the book maybe or at least that part of it. Like some of the other people have said, the sooner you tell her the better...good luck!


rowie's picture

you need to tell her, but you

you need to tell her, but you also need to let her know 1. you werent with her to cover up being gay 2. that you do genuinely like her, just not in that way. (im making assumptions here but) the reason you dated her was probably because you connected with her and mistook that for attraction. let her know you want to be friends and you care about her, you just dont go for women in general. good luck.

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**